Being a good accountant takes 5% talent and...

Being a good accountant takes...

.... 5% talent, 13% maths and 81% spotting what's been missed

Being a good accountant takes....

 ... 10% attitude and 90% knowing what's right and what's wrong 

Being a good accountant takes....

... 5% talent and 95% avoiding distractions on the internet

10 amusing compliments for accountants

 

1. "You make balancing my books look easier than balancing on a tightrope!"
2. "You have the magic touch—turning tax forms into refunds!"
3. "You're better than my favourite calculator!"
4. "If accounting were an Olympic sport, you'd be a gold medalist!"
5. "You're the maestro of money management!"
6. "You turn my financial fears into fiscal fortunes!"
7. "If my finances were a jigsaw puzzle, you'd be the one to put all the pieces together!"
8. "You're the GPS guiding me through the jungle of taxes!"
9. "You make my balance sheet a thing of beauty!"
10. "You transform my tax returns from scary monsters into friendly faces!"

An accountant's approach to a suggestion scheme

A firm of accountants (that shall remain nameless) wanted to engage their staff in an efficiency drive so that everyone understood the need to be careful with the firm's money. 

The partners introduced a suggestion scheme facility and promised a prize of £100 for the best suggestion each month - in terms of a simple to implement money saving measure. 

The £100 prize was only awarded once. 

It went to an audit manager who suggested reducing the monthly prize to £50.

It's obvious you're an accountant if...

It's obvious you're an accountant if...

..you balance your family’s budget to the penny

..you’ve ever used a VLOOKUP function in a conversation

..you have a special drawer for tax papers

..you know the depreciation schedule for your car

..you always end up taking about tax issues when you attend a party 

..you analyse the cost-effectiveness of every purchase

...you consider a calculator to be a desk ornament

..you bring up tax deductions in casual conversation

..you create a spreadsheet to compare different mobile phone plans

..you ever analyse the cost-benefit of buying a cup of coffee vs making it at home

How to reduce a client's tax bill

Conversation with a client...

Me: "You've made a taxable profit for the year of £25,000. This means a corporation tax liability of £4,750."

Client: "Is there any way to eliminate the tax bill completely? My mate down the pub said his accountant sorted it so he didn't have to pay any tax."

Me: 🤔 "Well, you could agree to pay me £25,000 in accountancy fees, then your taxable profit will be NIL. NIL profit = NIL tax 

Disclaimer: Whilst this is factually correct, it is not how I do business (duh! 🤣)

BTW The client knew I was joking!

As told by Accountant Nicola J Sorrell on Linkedin

Why people engage an accountant...

 Why people engage an accountant....

HMRC: You owe us money. It's called taxes.

YOU: How much do I owe?

HMRC: You have to figure that out.

YOU: I can just pay what I want?

HMRC: Oh, no. We can guess how much you owe. But you need to guess it first. Or work it out properly - which we prefer.

YOU: What if I get it wrong?

HMRC: We'll fine you or send you to prison!

YOU: I need help!!

What does 'certified' copies mean?

Accountants frequently ask new clients to either bring their passport into the office or to supply certified copies. It's a requirement of the anti-money laundering regulations.

An accountant told me recently that a new client recently sent him a package. 

On opening it the accountant found a copy of the client's passport. What else? 

Another one. Same as the first. 

And another, and another. 

Indeed the package simply contained almost 3 dozen photocopies of the client's passport. 

None had been certified by a solicitor - or anyone.

The accountant called the client to acknowledge receipt of the package and to find out why he had sent so many copies - and not had any of them certified.

The client was pleased to hear the package had arrived safely.

"But I still don't know why you asked for 35 copies."