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Plans for a new sexy tax...

I found this on One hopes it hasn't been seen by anyone influential.....
The chancellor will set his stall ahead of the election by turning the tap on clear red water between Labour and the Conservatives with a new sexy tax.

Backed by Presbyterian PM Gordon Brown, Darling will announce a new sexy tax to plug the £12 trillion hole in the public finances.

Lap dancing clubs will face a 18 per cent sexy tax on tips and champagne, as the government looks to target bankers' bonuses through indirect taxation.

Saucy nurses outfits will also be taxed, as recession Britain under Labour will become "pure and puritan", the chancellor will say.

Labour backbenchers have hit out at the plans.

Clement Spatula, Labour MP for Worcester and Hove, said: "Many working class men love heading down to titty bars for an escape from the drudgery of their meaningless existence, just as bankers do.

"For many women, erotic dancing is the only option to step off a life of benefits."

George Osborne, shadow Tory monger, said: "Daddy told me about these places once."

The sexy tax will be enforced by the new sexy tax taskforce, at HM Revenue & Customs (HMRC).

Bea Kangar, chief sexy taxlady, said: "Collecting this tax is making me so hot. I'll have to take off this cardigan.

"My team of civil servants will be measuring how sexy is Britain is and taxing people hard."

HMRC has also launched a website where people can subscribe to exclusive coverage of the sex tax taskforce, which is expected to raise £100 million over four years.

Brits can use self-assessment forms to rate their sexiness, or have the sexy tax staff come round and check, which will cost £99.

Peter Stringyfellow said: "I am declaring myself bankrupt as there is no way I could afford the sexy tax, as I am so sexy. I reckon I would be in the top band of sexy people."
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Are you a prostitute or are you an auditor?

1. You work very odd hours.

2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy.

3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the money.

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The comedian Ken Dodd, was prosecuted for tax evasion in 1989 as has been mentioned on this blog before, here and here. I'd love to find a clip of him talking about it in his act. For now though here are a couple of references to comments he makes about the experience.

He is known to introduce himself as a “failed accountant”. That, he explains, is simply to establish a rapport with the audience. “People today are all stressed out about home economics, and accountants are the current bogeymen. [Since when?]

Dodd is the butt of a lot of his material and repeated references are made to his love of money, his dislike of what he insists on calling the Inland Revenue and his past run-in with them. “They sent me a self-assessment form the other day. To me! I invented self-assessment.”

During the trial it was revealed that Dodd had very little money in his bank account. He did however have £336,000 in cash stashed in suitcases in his attic. When asked by the judge, "What does a…