Thursday, March 31, 2011

Imagine Imagine reimagined as a song about tax!

Sung by Steve Theaker, tax partner at South Wales accountancy firm UHY Peacheys, to the tune (and using some of the words) of the John Lennon classic: Imagine.

VERY well done. Here's just one of the clever lines: "Imagine no accountancy fees, That's going a bit too far, but here at UHY Peacheys you know exactly where you are."

Four riddles about accountants

What disease kills more accountants than any other?
- TB.

What do you call an accountant or who can't account?
- An ant.

What do cannibal accountants do at their Office Christmas Dinner?
- Toast their clients.

What do you call a Trial Balance that doesn't balance?
- A late night.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

What a clever sheep dog

A farmer sends his accounting sheepdog, Spot, off to gather in his 8 sheep.

On returning the farmer is astonished to find he now has 10 animals in his pen and asks the dog to explain.

"Woof! You asked me to round them up, woof", barks Spot.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

A boost for "prudent, middle class accountants"

From Andrew Gimson's sketch in The Telegraph today - re yesterday's Budget.
This Budget was not the work of an evil, upper-class sex maniac, but of a prudent, middle-class accountant who has gone through the nation’s books and reached some sober conclusions about what can be done to get us back on an even keel. As Mr Osborne himself admitted in a rare moment of candour: “This is a Budget built on sound money.”
Suggests to me that he sees being "prudent, middle class accountants" as a good thing. Given the alternative anyway....

The quote above is preceded in the paper by an apology:
We would like to apologise to Mr Osborne for the words that follow. It is unkind to reveal someone’s guilty secret, but this column cannot shrink from telling the truth about the Chancellor.

Thursday, March 03, 2011

OTS went boldly where no taxman has gone before

Direct quotes from Michael Jack's Forward in the first report of the Office for Tax Simplification.
“To boldly go where no man has gone before” was the proud boast of the crew of Star Trek’s USS Enterprise. I think that this phrase must have been in the Chancellor’s mind when, last July, he set us off on our voyage of discovery into the world of tax reliefs and allowances.

During our voyage of discovery (which has lasted a mere five months rather than the five years of USS Enterprise) we found...

Jimmy Carr 10 o'clock live : Barclays 1% tax scheme

'Strong' language warning!

NB: As regular readers of my Tax-Buzz blog will know, I'm no fan of fancy tax schemes, but I do also try to be objective. In this regard I recently wrote a piece: Barclays paid 1% in apples of tax on its pears of profits. In it I debunked the 1% rate that is now referenced in this comedy clip.

Do you really need certified copies of that?

Accountants frequently ask new clients to either bring their passport into the office or to supply certified copies. It's a requirement ...