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Showing posts from August, 2017

10 things an accountant would never say

Not sure I agree with them all. What about you?

Financial one-liners

Comedian Samantha Baines at Edinburgh 2017: "I'm selling my old tennis equipment but I can't work out what's the net worth."

In a similar vein:

How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.The most successful investor was Noah. He floated stock, while everything around him went into liquidation. I saw a bank that said it offered 24 Hour Banking. So I didn’t go in. I didn’t have that much time. A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.

The Accountants' alphabet (A-Z)

Instead of the NATO alphabet, accountants are encouraged to adopt the new Accountants' alphabet when spelling things out. So no more Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta. Instead we now have:
A for AssetsB for BalancingC for CapitalD for DeleteE for ExcelF for FinanceG for GoodwillH for HMRCI for InsolvencyJ for JournalsK for KitingL for LiabilityM for MaterialityN for Notes to accountsO for Off-balance sheetP for ProfitQ for QualificationsR for ReconciliationS for Support staffT for TaxU for UncertaintiesV for ValueW for Winding upX for breakfastY for YearlyZ for Zero-based budgeting

20 songs for accountants going on holiday

The following playlist is drawn from suggestions made by non-accountants on my facebook feed.
There's a distinct monetary theme but some inventive alternatives too.

Money, that's what I want - Flying LizardsLeaving on a (budget-approved) Jet Plane- John DenverTicket to Ride - A nice emailed copy for the accountants - The BeatlesDo you know the way to (reclaim the cost of travel to) San Jose? - Dionne Warwick ACAThe Balance - The Moody BluesTaxman - The BeatlesSunny Afternoon- The Kinks ("The taxman's taken all my dough, And left me in my stately home")We can work it out - The BeatlesMoney - Pink FloydColour by Numbers (album) - Culture ClubMoney's too tight to mention - Simply (in the) RedMoney for Nothing - Dire StraitsGet up (I feel like Being a Tax Machine) - James Brown ACAI can't get no tax-isfaction - The Rolling StonesThe Final Countdown - EuropeChasing Payments - AdeleMoney money money - Abba(Making Tax) Digital - Joy DivisionTake the Money and Run…