Financial one-liners

Comedian Samantha Baines at Edinburgh 2017: "I'm selling my old tennis equipment but I can't work out what's the net worth."

In a similar vein:

• How does Santa's accountant value his sleigh? Net Present Value.
• The most successful investor was Noah. He floated stock, while everything around him went into liquidation. 
• I saw a bank that said it offered 24 Hour Banking. So I didn’t go in. I didn’t have that much time. 
• A long term investment is a short term investment that failed.