Why do people leave filing their tax returns to the last minute?

As we approach the 31 January filing deadline for filing personal self assessment tax returns, I asked a few taxpayers why they leave things to the last minute.

A selection of their replies follows:

• Flights to Panama are cheaper in January.
• I've made HMRC my best and only deal available. It's their choice to either accept it, walk away, or it's no deal.
• Fear of figures
• My girlfriend said she'd do it for me
• HMRC = Hold Money Past Christmas
• I Have Many Reliefs to Claim
• Hope My Rebate Comes
• I know exactly when the last minute is. The first minute though...?
• If it wasn't for the last minute I'd never get anything done.
• I've got plenty of time as the last minute isn't due for another 4 or 5 billion years.

Two drunk accountants have an outrageous idea

At the end of a long day, 2 accountants, Peter and Paul, have had a few drinks and are reviewing their decision to invest in a new building for their small accounting practice. 

They start thinking about how to fill the surplus space.

"Why don't we put a brothel on the 1st floor" says Peter.  "We could offer clients the facility to wait upstairs while we prepare their fee notes. That way when clients complain about getting screwed by their accountants they actually are getting screwed."

Paul, laughed nervously at this outrageous suggestion. Then, also drunk, added a slight twist. "We could be even more multidisciplinary, without getting into all that 50 Shades of Grey stuff. Let's put some lawyers on the 2nd floor. Then clients can decide for themselves which is the house of most ill repute".

Is this the way to do an audit?

Spoof of the Peter Kay version of the Tony Christie Classic. Includes a number of novel rhymes and a bunch of methodologists from PwC. Methinks it may not be an officially sponsored film. Watch out for the robotic antics of the last guy through the swipe gates just before the end.

Surgeons arguing about best patient types - including accountants

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on.

The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered."

The second responds, "Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is colour coded."

The third surgeon says, "No, I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order."

The fourth surgeon chimes in: "You know, I like builders...those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would."

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There's no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and backside are interchangeable."