It pays to make good recommendations

An accountant has been advising an eminent Emir on his domicle status. The Arab aristocrat complained of back pain so the accountant recommended a brilliant young chiropractor he knows and who then visits the Emir in his London hotel.

Although the Emir had been in agony the chiropractor's phenomenal skills at soothing angry vertebrae quickly brought some relief. And after a week of daily treatment the Emir was fully recovered.

The young chiropractor has no idea what fee to charge so he asks the accountant who recommended his to the Emir. "What should I do? Treat him for free as an honoured visitor, or would that be insulting? Should I ask him for my normal fee even though he can afford vastly more or should i just charge a round figure, say £2,000 which I know he can well afford?

The accountant says, "try this - send him your fee note but leave the amount blank. Simply write across the top of you bill the words: "The Emir is always fair".

Within a month the chiropractor received a cheque from the Emirate's exchequer or £50,000! He phoned the accountant at once to tell him the god news and to thank him.

The next day the young man received an invoice from the accountant for his advice. The amount had been left blank and across the top of the bill were the words: "The Chiropractor is always fair".

Adapted from an old Bob Monkhouse story included in his book: "Just say a few words"

Seinfeld was as bad as Monty Python re accountants

Imaginary explanations of financial related acronyms

• DEBITS = Desperate Executives Broken by Insider Trading
• EBITDA = Earnings Before I Tricked the Dumb Auditor
• EBIT = Earnings Before Irregularities and Tampering
• LOMBARD = Lots Of Money But A Right Dick
• CEO = Chief Embezzlement Officer
• CFO = Corporate Fraud Officer
• NABRO = Not Another Bloody Regulatory Organisation 
• NAV = Normal Andersen Valuation
• EPS = Eventual Prison Sentence
• FRS = Fantasy Reporting Standards
• P/E = Parole Entitlement
• FIMBRA = Federation of Investment Malpractitioners and Big-time Rip-off Artists
• ISA = Interesting Savings Alternative
• ASB = Adding-up Silly Balances

Any more?

You may be taking accounting too seriously if…

You may be taking accounting too seriously if…

1. You can't wait to do your own tax return.
2. You think the GAP store sells accounting standards.
3. You think the CMA awards on TV relate to accounting (CMA is the Country Music Association).
4. You cheer at the Oscars when they announce the accounting firm in charge of the envelopes.
5. You read film credits to identify the name of the Production Accountant.
6. You double underline your mother's name when preparing her death notice.
7. You do an NPV calculation when you receive an indecent proposal (Of course this makes perfect sense if you are married).
8. You do an NPV calculation before deciding not to have children.
9. You can explain the difference between "downsizing", "right sizing", "re-engineering" and "firing people".
10. You use the term "value added" with a straight face.
11. Your Valentine's Day cards have bullet points.
12. You schedule a meeting with your spouse to discuss the past year's performance.
13. You aren't sure, but you think that you can claim depreciation on your human capital as a tax deduction.
14. Your idea of "absolute terror" is an unbalanced T account.
15. Your idea of "creativity" is a one-sided journal entry.