What you never want to hear clients say during an audit

Me: your employees aren’t providing me with the support I’ve been requesting
Client: I’m having the same problem
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Me: we haven’t received your reconciliation yet Client: yeah, you’re not going to
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Me: So, you own these three vendors? CEO: yeah, but it’s unrelated to our business
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Me: can you please provide support for the accrual? Client: sure! *sends General Ledger dump*
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Me: so, how do you value your inventory? CFO: hahahhahaha
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Me: How’d you come up with this accrual amount? Client: that’s a WAG - Wild Ass Guess
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“*looking at a transaction that was recorded improperly* Me: so why did you record it this way CFO: well that’s the way we’ve always done it and I’m not changing it because my staff will get confused
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Me: Please can I have support for that journal entry? Client: sure! *prints off the journal entry and hands it to me*
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And, in the same vein:
After waiting 5 months for the client to respond to data requests, client then replies in a hundred emails in one day and says:

“We’re looking for quick turnaround on this. End of the week preferably.”
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Originally collated and shared by the twitter account @overheardaudit