1 - The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night...
....I woke up every hour and cried.
2 - I'm not saying my accountant is too literal, but when I asked him to check my balance, he pushed me over.
3 - Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.
4 - What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A late night.
5 - Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He had a ton of paper work to do. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t budget. So he decided to work it out with a pencil.
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