Irregular verbs to describe variations on tax planning and tax avoidance

 At it's simplest perhaps we have:

I only pursue approved tax incentives

You look for tax avoidance opportunities

He breaks the law and evades tax

One variation is:

I pay all the tax due

You look for easy ways to avoid paying all the tax due

He engages in aggressive tax planning

Another is:

I manage my financial affairs sensibly 

 You engage in aggressive avoidance 

 He/She is a slimy tax cheat

And looked at from another perspective:

I receive public spending

You get tax incentives

He gets a subsidy

What further variations can you come up with?

How the post was shared out at the tax office

 This take dates back to the days of the Inland Revenue, before they became HMRC, when there were local offices each headed by a District Inspector (DI). 

One such DI went for a drink with his assistant to mark the DI's imminent retirement.

The Assistant DI took the opportunity to ask his boss to clarify something:

"It's always puzzled me how you were able to so often leave the office to play golf at 3 o'clock each day. 

In the mornings you always divided the incoming post into three piles. You and I took equal sized piles of post and left the third one for the next day. 

Even though you seemed to distribute the post randomly as between us, your desk was always clear at 3 o'clock whereas I often had to stay until 5 or 6 o'clock to clear all my post. 

How did you manage it?"

The District Inspector replied:

"Simple. When it got to 3 o'clock each day I put any answered post back on the pile that we'd left for the next day!"

Thanks to Richard Mannion who related this tale to me a while back. Not sure if he said it was a true story or a joke!

Taxing everything - the tax poem

Tax their land, Tax their wage, Tax the bed in which they lay. 

Tax their tractor, Tax their mule, Teach them taxes is the rule. 

Tax their cow, Tax their goat, Tax their bras, Tax their coat. 

Tax their ties, Tax their shirts, Tax their work, Tax their dirt. 

Tax their cars, Tax their drink, Tax them if they try to think. 

Tax their booze, Tax their beers, If they cry, Tax their tears. 

Tax their bills, Tax their gas, Tax their notes, Tax their cash. 

Tax them good and let them know That after taxes, they have no dough. 

If they holler, Tax them more, Tax them 'til they're good and sore. 

Tax their coffin, Tax their grave, Tax the sod in which they lay. 

Put these words upon their tomb, 'Taxes drove me to my doom!' 

And when they've gone, We won't relax, We'll still be after Inheritance TAX!!

Author unknown. Updated to make it gender neutral by Mark Lee

How do you know if you're part of a small, medium or large firm of accountants?

 A small firm is one where everyone knows everyone.

A large firm is one where no one knows everyone.

A medium sized firm is one where there is always someone who knows everyone.

Thanks to David Lewis of Camrose Consulting for that one.