What clients say and what they mean

"We keep excellent records" =  Our books are a mess but don't you dare say otherwise, also I would like a discount please. 

"I'm looking for a flexible accountant" =  I will ring you evenings and weekends and expect an immediate answer. I may even call on Boxing Day. Late. 

"My last accountant didn't file the accounts on time and we got fined" =  I don't expect this to happen with you, though I will ignore repeated reminders and only give you the records one week before year end.

"My last accountant was an idiot" = I'm an idiot. 

"I'd like to negotiate on your fees" =  Although I want to squeeze more out of you, I've watched the Apprentice so I know how to negotiate. Lower your fees but not your service - and don't expect payment on time either. 

"My wife studied AAT years ago so she will be doing the bookkeeping" = Don't try it on with me matey boy, I have an expert in the camp, and get ready to be told how to do your own job.