How many accountants are witch doctors? Or is it AI now?

 In a 1964 speech the British law lord, Lord Justice Harman, is reported to have told an audience:

‘Accountants are the witch doctors of the modern world and willing to turn their hands to any kind of magic.’

There was a time when this same quote appeared on the websites of dozens of firms of accountants. 

Maybe we should adopt an amended version of the quote:

‘AI systems are the witch doctors of the modern world and able to turn their hands to any kind of magic.’

(You need to know me to know why that quote so appeals to me. There's a clue in this earlier posting on this blog)

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

5 of the best answers. Can you offer any more?

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? 

.... How many would you like it to be? 

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? 

.... What kind of answer did you have in mind? 

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? 

.... Hmmm....let me run a few numbers and get back to you.

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? 

.... Two. One to change it and one to make sure it was done within budget.

And lastly, my favourite: How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? 

 One, but he'll have 800 of them to do in January.

How NOT to describe an accountant

A business coach was looking for an alliterative approach to use when targeting accountants. 

The following positive adjectives were all identified as possible aspirations but rejected at least partly for having the potential to be misunderstood in the context of accountants: 

Absurd, Adequate, Adventurous, Agile, Amorous, Aphrodisiac, Approachable, Appropriate, Arousing, Arresting, Assisting, Astonishing, Astounding, Attentive, Attractive, Audacious, Auspicious, Authoritative, Autonomous, Available, Awe-inspiring. 

Any more?

15 fun nicknames for Accountant co-workers

KitKat - Always taking a break

Butter knife - Not the sharpest tool in the box

Arthur - Only does 'half a' job

Motion light - Only works when someone walks past

E.T. - Always wants to 'go home' 

Seaweed - Floats around the audit room all day and stinks like sh*t

Lantern - Not very bright and always has to be carried

Deckchair - Always folds under pressure

G-spot - You can never find them

Daisy - Some days he's in, some days he's not

Cinderella - Office princess

Hot sauce - bit of a troublemaker

Uncle - Slightly older male accountant who is always willing to help out

Broken arrow - Doesn't work but can't be fired

The Jargonater - Constantly using long words that no else understands

Other income - how to explain this one?

Back in the day when we completed tax returns by hand, an inspector of taxes noted an unusual entry for 'other income' on a tax return she was examining. 

In the space to explain a zero figure the taxpayer had written "F. All." 

The Inspector wrote to the taxpayer suggesting that this was not appropriate language to use on what was a legal document. 

The taxpayer responded by explaining that the Inspector had misunderstood. "I could not fit the words "Family Allowance' in the limited space available." 

The Inspector wrote back pointing out that there was no requirement to enter details of Family Allowance on tax returns. 

The taxpayer then responded, that as regards his other income, this really was F*** All!"