Hundreds of stories, jokes, videos, anecdotes, links and quotes relating to accountants, accountancy and tax related topics. If you've got something that makes you laugh - do send it in to mark@bookmarklee.co.uk
Friday, August 29, 2025
My Career Crossroads: CSE Grade 1 in Woodwork
Friday, August 22, 2025
Late arrivals at the Accountants' Awards dinner
- Mr and Mrs Lentry, and their daughter Deb
- Mr and Mrs Itor, and their daughter Aud
- The Preciation family and their dipsomaniac daughter Dee, whose balance is always reducing and who never seems to go in a straight line...
- The twin Entrybookkeeping brothers - it's double Entrybookkeeping
- Mrs Ternalaudit and her son Ian (her divorced husband, couldn't make it. He's her Ex)
- Mr and Mr Trolacount and their son Con.
- From Germany, Mr & Mrs Inkind and their son Benny Fitz
- Mr and Mrs Quidasset and their son Lee
- All the way from Bermuda, Mr and Mrs Haven and their son Tex
- Mr and Mrs Payedtax and their adopted Korean son Un
- Mr and Mrs Taxation preferred not to be announced as late. They asked if their arrival could be described as 'deferred'.
- Finally, please welcome Mr and Mrs Prophet with their daughter Annette, and their tall son nicknamed Grows.
Friday, August 15, 2025
10 alternative Job Titles for Accountants
- Anxiety Transfer Expert – because your panic is our spreadsheet
- Business Continuity Practitioner – making sure your cash flow doesn’t flatline
- Numbers Facilitator – like a counsellor, but with pivot tables
- Finance Doctor – diagnosis: terminally overdrawn
- Money Multiplier – no rabbits, just receipts
- MANIAC (Money And Numbers Inspector And Counter) – the acronym that audits itself
- Cash Whisperer – fluent in the secret language of HMRC and petty cash
- Revenue Therapist – tell me where it hurts (and show me the P&L)
- The Profit Prophet – we see margin in your future
- Cash Flow Curator – we don’t create liquidity, we just make it look nice
Friday, August 08, 2025
The Plumber & the Self-Assessment Saga
Plumber: “Right, be honest — how bad is it if I’ve not done any bookkeeping since last April?”
Accountant: “Bad. But fixable. Like a leaky tap.”
Plumber: “What if it’s a full-blown burst pipe situation?”
Accountant: “Then I charge emergency call-out rates. Only joking. Mostly.”
Plumber: “Fair. I’ve clogged up the admin. Time to flush it out.”
Friday, August 01, 2025
Tell me you're an accountant without telling me you're an accountant…
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I can’t relax in a cafĂ© if I can see the till is open too long.
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My friends think “a quick tax question” is an acceptable start to any conversation.
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I once said “that’s disallowable” out loud during a family dinner.
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I judge people for how they organise their receipts. Or don’t.
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My partner gets nervous whenever I say “Can I just ask… what was this for?”
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I've explained what dividends are at least 47 times this year.
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I’ve laughed out loud at accounting memes. Then corrected them.
I automatically say yes please for a receipt regardless of the transaction
Whenever a friend buys me a drink or lunch they sit in my head as creditors as I owe them one back!
I can’t cope if my laptop doesn’t have a separate number pad
When I'm out with self employed friends they always ask me if they can claim it as an expense.
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I keep receipts for things I didn’t even pay for, just out of habit.
5 new acronyms for accountants
I'm a bit of an acronymaniac. Here are some that might be useful for accountants. AFLO We've all had them. Challenges or things tha...
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1. You work very odd hours. 2. You are paid a lot of money to keep your client happy. 3. You are paid well but your pimp gets most of the mo...
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The most obvious answer as to why accountants are sometimes referenced, disparagingly, as 'beancounters' might involve counting the ...
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An auditor is a man who watches the battle from the safety of the hills and then comes down to bayonet the wounded. Sir C...