Friday, August 22, 2025

Late arrivals at the Accountants' Awards dinner

I’m been a judge and attended many Accountancy awards. The dinners and award parties are often spoiled by latecomers. Love their names (inspired by the radio show, 'I'm sorry I haven't a clue'
  • Mr and Mrs Lentry, and their daughter Deb 
  • Mr and Mrs Itor, and their daughter Aud 
  • The Preciation family and their dipsomaniac daughter Dee, whose balance is always reducing and who never seems to go in a straight line... 
  • The twin Entrybookkeeping brothers - it's double Entrybookkeeping 
  • Mrs Ternalaudit and her son Ian (her divorced husband, couldn't make it. He's her Ex) 
  • Mr and Mr Trolacount and their son Con. 
  • From Germany, Mr & Mrs Inkind and their son Benny Fitz
  • Mr and Mrs Quidasset and their son Lee 
  • All the way from Bermuda, Mr and Mrs Haven and their son Tex 
  • Mr and Mrs Payedtax and their adopted Korean son Un 
  • Mr and Mrs Taxation preferred not to be announced as late. They asked if their arrival could be described as 'deferred'. 
  • Finally, please welcome Mr and Mrs Prophet with their daughter Annette, and their tall son nicknamed Grows. 

Friday, August 15, 2025

10 alternative Job Titles for Accountants

  1. Anxiety Transfer Expert – because your panic is our spreadsheet
  2. Business Continuity Practitioner – making sure your cash flow doesn’t flatline
  3. Numbers Facilitator – like a counsellor, but with pivot tables
  4. Finance Doctor – diagnosis: terminally overdrawn
  5. Money Multiplier – no rabbits, just receipts
  6. MANIAC (Money And Numbers Inspector And Counter) – the acronym that audits itself
  7. Cash Whisperer – fluent in the secret language of HMRC and petty cash
  8. Revenue Therapist – tell me where it hurts (and show me the P&L)
  9. The Profit Prophet – we see margin in your future
  10. Cash Flow Curator – we don’t create liquidity, we just make it look nice
Credits: MANIAC devised by Adrian Markey, Finance Doctor inspired by Mark Allen, Business continuity practitioner by Kris McCulloch and Money multiplier by Michelle Eshkeri

Friday, August 08, 2025

The Plumber & the Self-Assessment Saga

Plumber: “Right, be honest — how bad is it if I’ve not done any bookkeeping since last April?”

Accountant: “Bad. But fixable. Like a leaky tap.”

Plumber: “What if it’s a full-blown burst pipe situation?”

Accountant: “Then I charge emergency call-out rates. Only joking. Mostly.”

Plumber: “Fair. I’ve clogged up the admin. Time to flush it out.”

Friday, August 01, 2025

Tell me you're an accountant without telling me you're an accountant…


  • I can’t relax in a cafĂ© if I can see the till is open too long.

  • My friends think “a quick tax question” is an acceptable start to any conversation.

  • I once said “that’s disallowable” out loud during a family dinner.

  • I judge people for how they organise their receipts. Or don’t.

  • My partner gets nervous whenever I say “Can I just ask… what was this for?”

  • I've explained what dividends are at least 47 times this year.

  • I’ve laughed out loud at accounting memes. Then corrected them.

  • I automatically say yes please for a receipt regardless of the transaction 

  • Whenever a friend buys me a drink or lunch they sit in my head as creditors as I owe them one back! 

  • I can’t cope if my laptop doesn’t have a separate number pad 

  •  When I'm out with self employed friends they always ask me if they can claim it as an expense.

  • I keep receipts for things I didn’t even pay for, just out of habit.

 

Late arrivals at the Accountants' Awards dinner

I’m been a judge and attended many Accountancy awards. The dinners and award parties are often spoiled by latecomers. Love their names (ins...