Two drunk accountants have an outrageous idea

At the end of a long day, 2 accountants, Peter and Paul, have had a few drinks and are reviewing their decision to invest in a new building for their small accounting practice. 

They start thinking about how to fill the surplus space.

"Why don't we put a brothel on the 1st floor" says Peter.  "We could offer clients the facility to wait upstairs while we prepare their fee notes. That way when clients complain about getting screwed by their accountants they actually are getting screwed."

Paul, laughed nervously at this outrageous suggestion. Then, also drunk, added a slight twist. "We could be even more multidisciplinary, without getting into all that 50 Shades of Grey stuff. Let's put some lawyers on the 2nd floor. Then clients can decide for themselves which is the house of most ill repute".

Is this the way to do an audit?

Spoof of the Peter Kay version of the Tony Christie Classic. Includes a number of novel rhymes and a bunch of methodologists from PwC. Methinks it may not be an officially sponsored film. Watch out for the robotic antics of the last guy through the swipe gates just before the end.

A tax themed xmas carol

We nick ye merry gentlemen and confiscate your sleigh

For using it to bootleg booze and ciggies from Calais

To you we're wise, you've dodged excise,

We've tailed you all the way.

You're go-o- ing to pris-i-on old boy!

Oh what a joy!

You're go-o-ing to Wormwood Scrubs old boy!

Written by Chris Williams of Baker Tilly (as it was back then) and first published in Taxation magazine 20 December 2007

Heather's 12 days of accountingmas

This wonderful final verse of Heather Smith's take on the 12 days of Christmas includes some lovely gentle ribbing of accounting speakers and conferences. 

Are lap dances tax deductible? (parody: A Few Good Expenses)

Tax issues arising from the Cinderella story

You know you've been talking about work too much..

A tax adviser had just read the story of Cinderella to their four-year-old daughter for the first time.

The little girl was fascinated by the story, especially the part where the pumpkin turns into a golden coach. Suddenly she piped up and asked her parent, "When the pumpkin turned into a golden coach, would that be classed as income or a capital gain?"

Five funny money and tax one-liners

“It’s tax time. I know this because I’m staring at documents that make no sense to me, no matter how many beers I drink”

- Dave Barry

“This would be a much better world if more couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt” 

- Earl Wilson
“I love America, but I can’t spend the whole year here. I can’t afford the taxes”

- Mick Jagger

“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t  need it.” 

- Bob Hope

“A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be" 

- unknown