Accountants aren't boring people...

...They just get excited over boring things.

Inaccurate precision

An accountant was visiting the Natural History Museum and said to the person standing next to him, "That dinosaur is two billion years and ten months old."

"How did you get such exact information?"

"I was here ten months ago and the guide said the dinosaur was two billion years old."

Brown is my Shepherd, I shall not work.

Brown is my Shepherd, I shall not work.
He leadeth me beside still factories.
He restoreth my faith in the Conservative Party.
He guideth me to the path of unemployment.

Yeah, though I wait for my dole,
I own the Bank that refuses me.
Brown has anointed my Income Taxes,
My expenses runneth over my income,
Surely, poverty and hard living will follow me all the days of his term.

From hence forth we will live all the days
of our lives in a rented home with an overseas landlord.

I am glad I am British,
I am glad that I am free,
but I wish I was a dog

and Brown was a tree.

- Anon

Was Eddie Izzard nearly an accountant?

Comedian and actor Eddie Izzard was born in Yemen, where his father was an accountant for BP.
- Profile in the Independent in 1999

He says he is very like his father. 'We’re about 80 per cent similar.
- Profile in Daily Telegraph in 2013


It was during his stint at Sheffield University, between boarding school and comedy busking, while studying accounting and financial management, that Izzard first tried his hand at stand-up.
- Profile in the Independent in 1999

For a short while, he wanted to be an accountant. He likes adding things up, he says. But he got kicked off his accountancy course for failing his exams. (He begged to do resits, but they wouldn't let him.)
- Profile in the Guardian in 2004

Accountant speak to describe a She-devil

In the Hollywood adaptation of Fay Weldon's book 'The life and loves of a She-devil', the accountant character, Bob, says to Ruth, the title character:

"Life is made up of assets and liabilities. As a man I have four basic assets. One, a home that is my castle. Two, a family that is caring and devoted. Three, a successful career that I have worked very hard to maintain and, four, the freedom to enjoy the fruits of my labour. But when it comes to liabilities, I have only one. That's you Ruth."

New phrase: The "tax buzz-saw"

Ok, it's American and it's not as new as I assumed when it popped up in my 'Google alerts' today.

I'd created the alert as I write the TaxBuzz blog and I wanted to know if it was being quoted anywhere else.

Today's story was in the context of Senator Tom Daschle who has withdrawn his name from consideration to become President Obama's secretary of Health and Human Services. He said he didn't want his income-tax troubles to be "a distraction."

'The Week' says:

"It was nice of Daschle to spare Obama the embarrassment of having to fire him—now let's see who gets caught in the "tax buzz-saw" next."

When I then checked online I found that the expression has been used before in US papers, generally to indicate a tax angle to a 'buzz-saw of opposition'.

My favourite observation though is that Google suggests that if you're searching for a 'Tax Buzz Saw' you're most likely to be interested in......

HM Revenue & Customs
www.businesslink.gov.uk/taxhelp
Understand taxes with information & resources from HM Revenue & Customs

I think that's a bit cutting, don't you?