Friday, May 01, 2020

Lockdown lingo for accountants

Blue Skype thinking
An accountancy firm's brainstorming session which takes place over a videoconferencing app. Such meetings might also be termed a “Zoomposium”. 

Coronadose
An overdose of bad news about clients during a time of crisis. Can result in a “panicdemic”.

The elephant in the Zoom
The glaring issue during a videoconferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. Typically either a colleague who has dramatically put on weight, suddenly sprouted terrible facial hair or has a worryingly messy house visible in the background.

Quentin Quarantino
A furloughed junior staff member who is using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they’re convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are.

Covidiot
A colleague or client who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display “covidiocy” or be “covidiotic”. Also called a “lockclown”.

Antisocial distancing
Using health precautions as an excuse for avoiding any contact with colleagues you find irritating.

Tandemic
How you describe the consequence of your colleagues acquiring a sun-kissed glow from working at home in their gardens.

Doom ’n’ Zoom
The feeling spread by the a miserable or pessimistic colleague in a videoconference, aka the “Zoommonger”.

Fattening the curve
The weight that all accountants are gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. 

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