1. BE HAPPY AT ALL TIMESYour tax adviser leads a stressful life dealing with HMRC (the Taxman) and cannot cope with you being miserable as well.
2. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR TAX ADVISER TO BE SYMPATHETIC WITH YOUR PROBLEM
Your tax adviser's ethical code requires them to be objective and independent.
3. DO NOT COMPLAIN IF YOUR TAX ADVISER'S ADVICE LOSES YOU MONEY
You must appreciate that tax IS VERY DIFFICULT so an occasional experience of negative income is only to be expected.
4. DO NOT ASK YOUR TAX ADVISER TO EXPLAIN WHAT THEY ARE DOING OR WHY
Unfortunately the jargon inherent in tax matters is not compatible with explaining it to someone like you in a way you would understand.
5. BE PREPARED TO TRY FIENDISHLY COMPLEX TAX SCHEMES WITH ENTHUSIASM
Though the planning may be ineffective and cost you a lot, the resulting thesis on the deficiencies of such schemes may result in the tax adviser acquiring further letters after their name.
6. PAY ALL YOUR TAX ADVISER'S BILLS PROMPTLY
It is an honour and a privilege to contribute, however modestly, to the well-being of such doughty fighters of Government rulebooks.
7. NEVER GO TO JAIL FOR TAX FRAUD WHILE EMPLOYING A TAX ADVISER
This will only cause your tax adviser unnecessary publicity and embarrassment.