12 statements guaranteed to wind up an accountant

 How to wind up an accountant? Just say something like this:

• "I just popped everything in this carrier bag here - I knew you could sort it all out for me."
• "My friend's accountant says....."
• "I need a mortgage reference - you will make the figures look good for me won't you?"
• "A friend in the pub said that he's certain that...."
• "My van was broken into and........ ... all of my receipts were stolen"
• "How can I have made such much profit when I've no money left in the bank"
• "My son has been onto the HMRC web site and......."
• " I've already signed my tax return. Just fill in the details as usual"
• "I've put the cost of the new extension through, as I do make coffee in the new kitchen while I am working from home"
• "I've checked my tax return and it's wrong...the profit figure on the accounts isn't the same as the taxable profits figure on the tax return"
• "You can't have our bank statements we have shredded them. It said on the news that the police wanted everyone to shred their bank statements to avoid ID theft"
• "I won't be able to pay you until someone has paid me." Always said AFTER you have completed their accounts.

Contributed by members of AccountingWeb on this discussion thread I initiated a while back.