12 things HMRC will never say....

12 things HMRC will never say:

1. “After reviewing your contract, I consider you’re self employed.”
2.  “Considering the length of time it has taken me to reply to your letter it is only fair that I give you 18 months to reply to mine.
3. "I like you. On this occasion I’m going to let you off and chalk it up to experience".
4. “Given the complexities of the legislation that is a mistake anyone could have made so I won’t be looking to charge a penalty.”
5. “Following the recent Tribunal decision confirming that we have been incorrectly applying tax legislation to your circumstances, we can now concede that we are wrong and have accordingly charged ourselves a penalty for our carelessness in failing to take advice from an appropriately qualified tax professional.”
6. “That might be what the legislation says but it seems incredibly unfair so we’ll take a pragmatic view”
7. "You're right, we don't have unlimited powers to ask for anything we feel like"
8. "It looks like we were wrong after all. Please accept our apologies and a payment of £50 to cover any distress and inconvenience caused to you and/or your business".
9. "Let’s be pragmatic about this"
10. "It's OK we'll reimburse your clients costs as this was a training exercise and we found nothing"
11. “You’re right, in this instance the Opinion given had no legal authority underpinning some of the claims, and some of the facts we asserted also had no cogent evidence to support them. We were winging it in the hope you would not notice and just pay. We are sorry and the matter is now closed.”
12. "We have just received your letter and will reply within a month, which is well ahead of our target of 121 days".

With thanks and credit to Philip Ridgway for starting this discussion and seeking further suggestions on Linkedin