Cross Tax

The current edition of HMRC's Agent Update introduces something new to the tax vocabulary. ‘Cross Tax”. 

 Does it mean: 

a) What you get when HMRC staff are overstressed and unhappy? 

b) A big balancing payment that a client wasn't expecting to have to pay; or 

c) 'Across the taxes’ as opposed to applying to just one area, such as corporation tax? 

 The answer is (c). Under this heading come updates on the Anti-Avoidance Simplification Review and further information on New Powers as well as news that HMRC will stop issuing 'Reply Paid' Business Response Envelopes from 1 October 2008, with the exception for those issued for benefits and credits. 

Taxpayers must now do it all online. And they may not all be happy about that. 

Maybe 'Cross Tax' is the right expression after all.

Origin of the 'bayonet the wounded' line

An auditor is a man who watches the battle from the safety of the hills and then comes down to bayonet the wounded.

Sir Charles Lyell, 1797 - 1875, American accountant.

More quotes

“I never ask my accountants to help me to make a decision. I rely on my gut feeling and then call in the accountants to make it work.”

Richard Branson

"When I asked my accountant if anything could get me out of the mess I am in now, he thought for a long time.... "yes" he said. "Death would help."

Robert Morley

Previous quotes on this blog can be found here, here and here

Black Books - Cooking the Books

I've only recently heard of the Black Books 'sit com' that was first broadcast almost 8 years ago in September 2000.

In the first episode we are introduced to Bernard, the alcoholic Irish book shop owner. But, Bernard has a problem. His taxes need doing, he's mathematically illiterate, and there's no avoiding it.

Here's a short (100 second) extract where Bernard attempts to complete his self assessment tax return without any help:



If you want the full 5 minute clip, it's worth it for the other things he does to avoid doing his tax return and especially for the final 10 seconds.

Night night

Q. What do accountants put on their beds?

A. Spreadsheets

Copyright Cormac Heron 4 August 2008

The Taxes Song

This seems to be a 'serious' question posed during a CNN Democratic candidate debate:

The Chancellor's dance

I think we've all seen this one too many times now.

In this new dance craze, the Chancellor's Excuse Me - you follow Gordon and Alastair and take one step forward, two steps back, then sidestep the issue.

What matters most?

Not sure if this counts as funny or sad.

Last year Kevin Slevin shared with me his experience of the approach that many small firms of accountants adopt when seeking good tax advice:

STEP ONE Ask a number of providers what the advice will cost

STEP TWO Pick the cheapest provider

STEP THREE Hope the advice received is correct.

Sometimes it works!!

Euphemisms for the taxman

I've just come across this one which is sadly out of date now:

Infernal Robbin you

Any more?