Dilbert and the tax sandwich

Scott Adams's take on Google's reported use of the Dutch Sandwich tax scheme

Punk accountants

Genuine tweets about tax, taxman and accountants

TAX!!! SO MAJESTICALLY BORING! I want to stick these receipts into the empty heart shaped cavity in the chest of the inland revenue.

STOP PRESS: The Inland Revenue wasted postage/ink/admin/ur taxes to advise that I owe EIGHT PENCE! Really, never knew they had such gsoh..
[ur = your; gsoh = good sense of humour]

Ugh...do I have to get up and go to work today? Haven't I already put in enough hrs this week? Sometimes I hate being a tax accountant :(

My accountant uses the words "bangin'" and "smoking" when discussing my tax return. I find this oddly comforting.

Visiting my tax accountant today - the only loud talker I can tolerate. Being friendly and the fact that I only see her 45 mins a yr helps.

I have embarrassingly ardent feelings for our accountant, Mel. He's in his seventies but efficiency and accuracy are SUCH a turn-on.

Really....one day I'll be a really great accountant. But the statistics are starting to get on my nerves today.

Just got a very nice tax rebate from the lovely people at the Inland Revenue. :-)

Tax related xmas pressies - a Batmobile

If frivolous spending revs your engine, drive no further than a working replica of the Batmobile, available complete with rocket-exhaust flamethrower from Firebox.com for a whopping £120,000.

It’ll get the driver to client meetings at a fair lick; top speed is 90mph, which ain’t bad for an oversized toy that weighs nearly two tonnes. And, given that it’s the fabulously-finned version from the 1960s TV show, the car qualifies for road tax purposes as a classic (it says here). If it’s really authentic it’ll run on nuclear power and therefore create zero carbon dioxide emissions – thus qualifying for 100% capital allowances and a 5% benefit-in-kind charge. Vroom, vroom!

As suggested by Daniel Selwood, Taxation magazine's online editor.

When you're a magician and Daddy's an accountant

With due credit to Leo Cullum. Published in The New Yorker 10/4/2004

There's nothing certain but the UNDEAD and taxes

I've lost track of how many people have drawn this new game to my attention. Thank you everyone.

In 2010, a terrifying zombie outbreak threatens to consume humanity and you fall victim to the undead curse, doomed to hunger for human flesh. In a startling turn of events, the army actually manages to contain and eliminate the threat. Life quickly returns to normal.

Except you’re still a zombie. And it’s tax season.

Complete tax returns as fast as possible without eating your coworkers! With any luck, you can still make it to zombie partner.

Accountants anonymous

Allegedly heard at an accounting support group:

"It seemed so harmless. I started making journal entries..then, secretly at home, I would post the entries to T accounts, and then I started recording them in ledgers. It just felt so good, and then I started doing financial statements and I couldn't stop.... "

My apologies to anyone attending such a group and for whom this is a real issue.

That nice man on the radio.....

After the ubiquitous John Whiting had spoken at an event recently, I was talking to one of his ex-colleagues. Let's call her 'Mandy'.

Mandy told me that her mother had been very impressed to learn that she worked with

"that nice man on the radio"

John of course has long been the BBC's first choice to explain tax issues on radio and TV.

I asked Mandy, in jest, if she'd ever thought to ask John for his autograph - as a gift for her mum. Maybe a signed photo even. She laughed.

"I'm pretty sure my mum has this picture of John Whiting in her head and imagines he looks like the actor John Forsythe who played Blake Carrington, in the 80s TV show, Dynasty."

We mused for a moment about whether Mandy could ask John to autograph a photo of 'Blake' and decided, for various reasons that she wouldn't do it.

Still, the question is, should John Whiting carry a stack of photos to provide autographed copies to his legions of fans. Or is Mandy's mum a one off?

500 not out

This is the 500th item posted on the blog. Think that should prove something about accountants having fun! ;-)

To 'celebrate' I offer a selection of the references to '500 accountants' courtesy of Google:

14 Jun 2010 ... The survey, carried out by the Institute of Certified Public Accountants in Ireland (CPA), questioned more than 500 accountants employed in ...

25 Nov 2009 ... Obviously the only way you could spend an evening in the company of 500 accountants is if someone else is paying, so I'm very grateful to ..

22 Mar 2004 ... But 83 per cent of the 500 accountants, IT managers, retail workers, builders and doctors surveyed were weak on Brit Art, the most talked ...

20 Jul 2007 ... Over 500 accountants in practice have already joined the scheme, which sets new benchmarks in the quality of the services and products ...

Since 1988 has acted for over 500 accountants and represented well over 300 before tribunals. Member of the Academy of Experts 1991. ...

5 Nov 2009 ... Sharon Ward, Managing Partner of Roffe Swayne commented 'John is one of only 500 Accountants nationally that have been awarded the Diploma ...

Nearly 500 accountants in the Gulf region already hold the ACA and are members of the ICAEW, but this will be the first time that the qualification will be ...

2 Jul 2010 ... More than 500 accountants turned up on Wednesday to learn about iXBRL-based Corporation Tax solutions in the slightly surreal surroundings ...

Questionnaires were sent across the USA to a random sample of 500 accountants who were members of the Institute of Internal Auditors (IIA) or the Institute ...

2 Nov 2009 ... Indeed, although a majority of the Fortune 500 accountants and Big Four auditors believe that the SEC should adopt IFRS, only 44% believe ...

22 May 2010 ... Some of the best are reproduced here, but just like 500 accountants on the bottom of the ocean, it's only a beginning. ...

David Gauke's schoolboy interest in taxation

The Exchequer Secretary to the Treasury, David Gauke MP, introduced his speech at the ICAEW's 2012 Hardman memorial lecture with an amusing recollection.

He said:

My first experience of tax policy was, as a schoolboy, listening to Philip Hardman’s analyses of the Budgets of the 1980s.

Now I don’t want to give a false impression that, as a teenager, I had a precocious interest in tax matters, or that I rushed home from school for the sole purpose of watching a discussion about the tax changes contained in a Budget. I like to think I was pretty normal for my age. And that my interests were fairly typical for a teenage boy – cricket, football, girls and, of course, macroeconomics.

Refusing to take a long term view?

During his speech at the ICAEW's Hardman lecture last night David Gauke, Exchequer Secretary to the Treasury commented on the list of over 1,000 tax reliefs so far identified by the Office for Tax Simplification.

"Who'd have thought there were that many. And now we need to consider whether we need to keep them all."

David continued:

"Among those reliefs is Millenium Gift Aid. I'm all for taking a long term view, but do we really need a relief that won't be relevant again for another 990 years?!"

PriceWaterhouseCoopers is no more

They are now officially PwC.

Better than the abbreviation that some used when Price Waterhouse first merged with Coopers & Lybrand:

Poopers!

Making the case for accountants to help with sustainability

This video is so well scripted it warrants a place on this blog, despite its serious message.
It features the ubiquitous Stephen Fry as the voice of the earth and encourages accountants to do more to aid sustainability.

Auditors and banks - according to Alex

Published in the Daily Telegraph - Tuesday 9 November 2010

The client accountants love to hate

"Hello Accounts Lady"
"Nemi?" "I'm busy, what are you doing here?"
I just wanted to say 'Hi'

"And?"
"And that I've brought my accounts for 2009."
"Good"

"Here they are. Must dash!"

Nemi by Lise appears in The Metro. This cartoon published 26 October 2010

Desperately seeking an attractive accountant

Spotted this twitter trail recently (posted by a young lady in Auckland, New Zealand)

Dear Universe. I would like some kind of super-good-looking young well-hung accountant boyfriend who will do my tax returns and gst for me.

Reply from a friend:

Does he have to be a good cook too or is that asking too much?

Response:

Well I can cook quite well so I'd be happy to do all the cooking if he did all the paperwork haha ;)

Then 30 minutes later:

I can't believe no accountants have asked me out yet! Michelle must have been joking about me being a guy magnet. How cruel! :-

Thank you @KristieAddison from the Transit of Venus Project

We asked 100 tax inspectors....

A survey asked 100 tax inspectors whether it annoyed them to give tax rebates.
Sadly 5 of the inspectors said that it did.
The other 95 couldn't answer the question as they didn't know what a rebate was!

Thanks to Neil Warren who related this story in a recent article in Taxation2 magazine.

The employment tax case of the year

This case involves a former accountancy and finance student who became a lapdancer at the Stringfellows club in London.

Nadine Quashie is now trying to pursue an unfair dismissal claim through the Employment Tribunal after being fired in December 2008 following allegations of drug use and dealing. The club claims that she was self-employed and that given her accountancy studies she would have know this.

As noted on AccountingWeb, "this case presents a classic challenge for the badges of employment tests and some messy tax implications for all sides".

It's no longer the Big 4. Now there are five!

When I joined the world of tax after qualifying as a chartered accountant in 1982, my 'bible' was the Yellow Tax Handbook. For some time there was just the one volume. (Yes, I know there was an orange one too, but that had stuff in it I rarely needed back then).

By 2001 the Yellow book had expanded to two volumes. In 2007 it was four volumes and now, for the first time it's a five volume colossus.

Couldn't decide whether to post this here or to add some commentary on the TaxBuzz blog. Guess it's only the title that's vaguely amusing really. The ever growing quantity of tax law is no joke! (I commented on this a year ago: Twice as much tax law under Labour as in previous 18 years)

The irrelegious tax partner

A tax partner in a firm of chartered accountants has a heart attack at work, and is taken to hospital.
A couple of weeks later, he is sitting up in bed, having made the beginnings of a good recovery. The office’s senior partner goes to visit the patient in hospital. He finds the patient sitting up in bed reading The Bible.
“Good morning. How are you? What are you reading?”
“Hello, I’m reading the Bible.”
“Why? I didn’t know you were religious.”
“I’m not. I’m looking for loopholes.”

With thanks again to Clive Browne of Browne and Green accountants

Where does money come from?

This joke was apparently part of a cartoon that appeared in Accountancy many years ago.

A man, clearly to be viewed as an accountant, is standing in front of an ATM, withdrawing cash. With him are two boys.

On seeing the cash being withdrawn from the ATM, one boy turns to the other and says,

"There - I told you money doesn't grow on trees!"

With thanks to Clive Browne of Browne And Green accountants

Lonely hearts - accountant style

Found on CareersInAudit.com

Assume nothing

One day in microeconomics, the professor was writing up the typical "underlying assumptions" in preparation to explain a new model.

Steve turned to his friend, Mike, and asked, "What would Economics be without assumptions?"

Mike thought for a moment, then replied, "Accounting."

Ken Dodd and the Inland Revenue

The comedian Ken Dodd, was prosecuted for tax evasion in 1989 as has been mentioned on this blog before, here and here. I'd love to find a clip of him talking about it in his act. For now though here are a couple of references to comments he makes about the experience.

He is known to introduce himself as a “failed accountant”. That, he explains, is simply to establish a rapport with the audience. “People today are all stressed out about home economics, and accountants are the current bogeymen. [Since when?]

Dodd is the butt of a lot of his material and repeated references are made to his love of money, his dislike of what he insists on calling the Inland Revenue and his past run-in with them. “They sent me a self-assessment form the other day. To me! I invented self-assessment.”

During the trial it was revealed that Dodd had very little money in his bank account. He did however have £336,000 in cash stashed in suitcases in his attic. When asked by the judge, "What does a hundred thousand pounds in a suitcase feel like?", Dodd made his now famous reply, "The notes are very light, M'Lord."

Why are you looking?

The Singing CPA - Giving all my money to the Mayor

"Softworld - What's that?"

I proudly told a professional associate I will be speaking at Softworld again this year.
My friend looked confused. She asked:

"Why are you talking at the childrens' soft play area?"

Doh!
But I could see why that was her first thought. She's a new mum!

Softworld is the UK's only show dedicated to demonstrating accounting and finance solutions
Softworld Autumn 2010 takes place on 19-20 October at ExCeL London. I'm speaking on "How accountants can use and abuse social media"

The Artful TAX Dodgers - It's your pocket they're picking

Love the title of this new book by John W O'Sullivan, a former tax inspector. He spent twenty years working for HMRC investigating serious tax evasion and fraud throughout the West Midlands and Central Wales.

 

Synopsis: Tax dodging: more popular than football, more subtle than chess, and played by millions. Some know the rules of the game, a few have some idea of the tactics, but what do they know of their faceless opponents in the distant computer centres and Special Compliance offices? 

In this 'partial, prejudiced and jaundiced overview', a former Senior Inspector of Taxes presents a frank insider's view of a working life in taxes. 

With humour, relevance and a refreshing minimum of technical jargon, he casts an ironic eye on the professional activities and private passions of Dobson, one of the 'odious agents of the Income Tax'.

 

Dobson's investigations uncover the professional fouls, dirty tricks and shady practices of those for whom tax dodging means anything from modest evasion to criminal fraud: both illegal, of limited effectiveness, and with serious consequences if detected.

Probably not a genuine accountancy firm

Dilbert goes offshore...

Should tax advisers abide by a dress code?

A correspondent wrote to the FT's Dear Lucy's column in July about dress codes referencing a particularly 'tight dress' she had been advised not to wear.

In her reply, columnist Lucy Kellaway included this reference to female tax advisers:

"Depending on the country and line of business you are in, the dress may be OK – or not. It’s all pretty arbitrary. We tolerate less flesh from the person who is doing our tax returns than from the person who is cutting our hair. Stupid, really; but that’s the way it goes."

The picture I've attached to this piece is of Britt Savage from the Nashville band Twang Deluxe who shredded a pile of tax forms to make the dress you see her wearing!

ASBOs out TAXBOs in

Last week guidance was published explaining how HMRC intend to apply the law that now allows them to publish the details of tax evaders.

George Bull of Baker Tilly has christened the concept TAXBOs. He notes the irony of this as ASBOs are now on their way out.....

It could catch on - although I note that Barry Hutton in South Africa got their first with his accountancy practice, Taxbo Services which was established in 1988.

If Carlsberg did Accountancy...

Before you start speculating, it transpires Carlsberg DO do Accountancy......

Happy Birthday to Sarbanes-Oxley

How Private Eye sees the Office for Tax Simplification

A P45 on the tube?

Saw this ad on a tube train the other day. As it's for office use I guess the target audience will all understand the reference to a P45.

Beancounters' overture

That was the headline for a small piece at the back of the Business section of yesterday's Sunday Times.
Apparently 18 "of PwC's finest" are competing in 'Don't stop believing' on 15 August 2010.

"For the uninitiated, this is a TV show on Channel Five where contestants sing. I hear the staffers wanted to incorporate PwC into their act's name but management weren't keen so they've gone for 'Elements'.

The group, formed of 14 women and 4 men wearing pinstripes and shirts with velcro fastenings, will perform a mix of 'Walk this way' and 'Nine to five'. I'm not supoosed to tell you what they'll do with the shirts but there may be a partial revelation of assets."

The piece is accompanied by a clever cartoon (by Pilbrow) showing a balding man watching the tv show. His angry wife is complaining: "You usually hate looking at accountants' figures."

Recruitment ad for SAO?

Fall guy required for Simple Accounting Office (SAO) role.
Shy retiring accountant preferred.
Needs to be reasonable. Will be held to account.
Simple duties...
... Just sign one document per annum.

The naked accountant

Don't get excited - that's it.
That's the only photo on a one page website that then lists the (accounting) services available from the accountant in question.

I don't know (or want to know) if the photo is true to life!

Split Personality

I am indebted to Taxation magazine following a case of what modesty prevents me claiming as 'great minds' thinking alike.

We've all been imagining what could happen in due course when the Office of Tax Simplification presents its first report.....

Instead of getting into my own Tardis, I will simply report on extracts of the outcome that Taxation have anticiapted

Tax News: 10 October 2010

The Office of Tax Simplification (OTS) today issued its first report, on the simplification of small business taxation.

The OTS tax director John Whiting said that the timetable for producing the report had been tight but he thought they had done a good job.

The reaction from professional bodies was, however, mixed. The Chartered Institute of Taxation had some serious concerns.

‘This report shows a worrying lack of consistency,’ complained CIOT policy director John Whiting.

'I am saddened that the OTS Tax Director did not feel able to resist this pressure from the Treasury side.’

However, for the OTS, Whiting rejected the accusations.

‘Anyone who believes that I have been influenced unduly by Treasury ministers does not know me very well. If the CIOT’s policy director wants to discuss this with me, he knows where to find me.’

Meanwhile, the Low Incomes Tax Reform Group complained that the OTS was concentrating on the wrong problem.

They said that small businesses had advisers to help them find their way through the tax system, whereas many pensioners and other people on low incomes were struggling to understand complex tax calculations on their own.

‘The OTS needs to concentrate on the areas which really affect people,’ said LITRG spokesperson John Whiting. ‘That means simplifying the rules for those on lower incomes, including the rules for tax credits.’

Asked to respond to this attack, the OTS tax director became uncharacteristically irritated.

‘Look, everyone thinks this job is easy. If that LITRG spokesperson or the CIOT policy director think they could do it they’re welcome to try.’

The 5 laws of accountancy

1. Trial balances don’t
2. Working Capital does not
3. Liquidity tends to run out
4. Return on investments never will
5. The bottom line is only the tip of the iceberg.

Twitter tax deductions for freelancers

Here is an extract from an Op-Art piece by Sam Potts in the New York Times. It seems to be an imagined tax form for the "marginally employed" and contains reference to various deductible expenses for freelancers:

The 'twitter deduction' starts with a note:

If you do not use twitter you do not qualify as a freelancer and may not use this form.

The Department of Treasury has determined that due to the huge amount of time that the freelance American workforce devote to tweeting, such activity shall be taxed according to the following formula [which I will not attempt to replicate here!]

The total deductions box at the foot of the page requires entries for, inter alia:

• ordinary/necessary pyjamas (that satisfy the equivalent of UK's 'wholly and exclusively' rule
• delayed adulthood penalty
• time wasting allowance
• your own personal navel blog
• your food blog
• your other food blog
• tax tip webinars

Big sums for accountants

Spotted on Reed recruitment advertising billboard.

Personalised number plates for accountants

David Winch of Accounting Evidence is proud of his number plate that incorporates his qualification initials FCA.

An auditor is known to have had AUD 1T and a tax specialist had TAX 1NG

But my favourite is the ex-Inspector who had a number plate S99 TMA and who loved parking next to cars at conferences and other events, with VAT or TAX or CA on their plates just to give them an unsubtle reminder.

Any more stories or ideas for personalised number plates for accountants?

Tax cheats have less variation in hairstyles than benefit cheats

On Radio 4's The Now Show, Steve Punt and Hugh Dennis recently suggested (series 31 episode 3) that:

"To the British, defrauding the DSS is a crime; defrauding HMRC is more of a sport."

To highlight the difference in approach they referenced the two separate online forms at Direct.gov.uk

"The tax evasion hotline information report form and the 'report a benefit thief online form".

And they then compared aspects of the two forms:

"When grassing up the suspected villain, the tax fraud form asks you to provide approximate age, national insurance number and brief description of the person. The benefit fraud form asks you for: ethnic group, their build, their eye colour, eye wear, hair colour, hair type. It then gives you a separate menu of hair type options which include: afro, bald, dirty, dreadlocks, greasy, long, mohican, pony tail. All the classic hairstyles of the potentially criminal. And, brilliantly, 'wig'. That's right, if you're living next door to a toupee'd ethnic with glasses, get online now."

Fun accountant related tweets

Sometimes I wonder how do accountants stay awake at work. All the numbers are making me sleepy.
-dk

This girl says she went to an accounting seminar met interesting people including accountants. Really? How about marine biologists?
-fabianlawless

Between this weather, crazy clients and outlandish demands I'm ready to pack it in as a photographer and become an accountant like my dad :(
-meeners

Am now officially a grown up. I have an accountant and have just received tax advice.
-tshickle

Just recommended me a 'goth accountant'. If the tax man doesn't pay up I'll have him hexed.
-dividividv

Found a tiny scrap of paper which proves firstly I'm not going mad, and secondly I don't have to pay £650 to my old accountant!
-invisiblea

Ron Artest just thanked his psychiatrist. If it was me I would thank my florist, my proctologist and my tax accountant .. in that order.
-jperk1

How easy will it be to keep E&Y apart from new neighbours PwC?

How neighbourly will E&Y and PwC be once the latter has fully occupied its new offices in More London - adjacent to the longer standing E&Y offices that have been there a while?

The Telegraph reported that "Blackout curtains beckoned" as both firms realise there will be scope for industrial espionage - at their closest point the two offices are only about 10m apart.
On the FCAblog I noted one insider commenting:

As an occupant of E&Y's premises, I can exclusively reveal that we're going to deploy psychological warfare against the new neighbours - firing lasers into their windows, blasting propaganda speeches and brass band music through loudspeakers 24 hours a day, and hanging a 9-storey high picture of our beneficently smiling global chairman on the side of our office. They won't hold out for long.

Nice one!

Sometimes we're not as clear as we might be....

Accountants frequently ask new clients to either bring their passport into the office or to supply certified copies. It's a requirement of the anti-money laundering regulations.

An accountant told me recently that a new client recently sent him a package. On opening it the accountant found a copy of the client's passport. What else? Another one. Same as the first. And another, and another. Indeed the package simply contained almost 3 dozen photocopies of the client's passport. None had been certified by a solicitor - or anyone.

The accountant called the client to acknowledge receipt of the package and to find out why he had sent so many copies - and not had any of them certified.

The client was pleased to hear the package had arrived safely.

"But I still don't know why you asked for 35 copies."

Hugh Dennis at the Taxation awards

At last week's Taxation annual awards ceremony, comic host Hugh Dennis told us that the LexisNexis Taxation awards was the most ridiculously named Taxation awards he had ever been to. "Indeed the only taxation awards I've ever been to".

Sticking with the company name, LexisNexis, he suggested that perhaps it was "the teletubby that time forgot, or the teletubby who went to Monaco. Lala and Po didn't want to redomicile - they just went into forestry."

Amongst his other tax related one-liners were:

"Until yesterday I thought that IHT was something women used as contraception and that a P11D was a Diesel version of a P11"

"The only thing I do know, is that, in my experience, the Married man's allowance is... about once a month"

Ok - perhaps you had to be there.

30 years on - What would Rip Van Winkle think?

Professor John Kay presented the Chartered Tax Advisers' Address earlier this week: "30 years of tax policy".

His talk was peppered with references to what Rip Van Winkle might think about key aspects of tax policy, after being absent from the UK tax policy environment for 30 years. He concluded that many of the key issues are much the same today as they were 30 years ago.

At the end of his talk however he generated much laughter from the sizeable audience by observing that:

"The final thing that Rip Van Winkle would do is to pick up the tax code to see if it were any shorter..."

The 'Death Tax' - a film, as seen by The Now Show

During recent debates about long term funding of the elderly, the Tories denounced Labour's plans for a compulsory levy, as a 'Death Tax'.

Steve Punt has suggested this sounded like 'a slightly dull horror film', and imagines how this might play out:

Zombies have returned from the grave; only one woman can stop them: Moira Stewart is: The Zombie Hunter, in "28 per cent later".

When attacked by a Zombie Moira is heard to say: "Don't forget, pay by January 31st or...I'll chop your head off"

The Zombie continues it's attack and we hear the sound of Moira's axe fulfilling her threat. She then warns us, ominously, "And remember, tax doesn't have to be... Axing!"

Broadcast on 2 April 2010 during The Now Show on Radio 4.

And you thought tax evasion was bad in the UK....

ATHENS — In the wealthy, northern suburbs of this city, where summer temperatures often hit the high 90s, just 324 residents checked the box on their tax returns admitting that they owned pools.

So tax investigators studied satellite photos of the area — a sprawling collection of expensive villas tucked behind tall gates — and came back with a decidedly different number: 16,974 pools.

Reported in New York Times on 1 May 2010. Full story here: Greek Wealth Is Everywhere but Tax Forms

Details, details, details

Once upon a time there was a shepherd looking after his sheep on the side of a deserted road. 

 Suddenly a brand new Porsche screeches to a halt. The driver, a man dressed in an Armani suit, Cerutti shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses, TAG-Heuer wrist-watch, and a Pierre Cardin tie gets out and asks the shepherd, "If I can tell you how many sheep you have, will you give me one of them?"

The shepherd looks at the young man, then looks at the large flock of grazing sheep and replies, "Okay." 

The young man parks the car, connects his laptop to the mobile-fax, enters a NASA Website, scans the ground using his GPS, opens a database and 60 Excel tables filled with algorithms and pivot tables. He then prints out a 150-page report on his high-tech mini-printer, turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1,586 sheep." 

The shepherd cheers, "That's correct, you can have your sheep." 

The young man takes an animal and puts it in the back of his Porsche. 

The shepherd looks at him and asks, "If I guess your profession, will you return my animal to me?" 

The young man answers, "Yes,why not?" 

The shepherd says, "You are an auditor." "How did you know?" asks the young man. "Very simple," answers the shepherd. 

"Firstly, you came here without being wanted. 

Secondly, you charged me a fee to tell me something I already knew, and 

Thirdly, you don't understand anything about my business..." ".....now can I have my dog back?"

Poem: Got some cash that you're scared to flash?

Got some cash

that you're scared to flash?
It's hidden offshore in a mighty stash
and now you can't get to it,
because of the ash.

Think of declaring it?
It's not all that rash
It will save you from a nasty
Inland Revenue clash!

Taken from a newspaper advert placed recently by Accountants Cameron Baum.
We'll let them off the out of date reference to Inland Revenue as presumably HMRC would have prevented the poem from scanning!

Who knows where Dr Who is domiciled?

"I still think we need an episode where Doctor Who sorts out his tax affairs; we still have had no explanation of his means of support and I would imagine that HMRC would be very keen to get their hands on a completed statement of assets for a start.

Sight of his completed DOM1 form would also be interesting, and it’s no good Matt Smith arguing that the department doesn’t issue them anymore, he should have completed one when he was in his original William Hartnell guise.

I’m just trying to figure out whether he would be entitled to the age allowance or not, the good doctor seems to be getting younger (bit like policemen now I think of it and now I think of it are the two somehow connected, it's a police box after all)."

- Richard Curtis on the Taxation blog.

Edit - Peter Martin has since suggested that at least we now know what TARDIS stands for: Tax Avoidance - Residence & Domicile Issues Shafted!

The Sex of a Hippopotamus - History of Taxes and Accounting

I don't very often reference books on this blog. The title of this one intrigued me: The Sex of a Hippopotamus: A Unique History of Taxes and Accounting

Apparently this US published book:

"weaves entertaining and educational stories culled from tax accounting since biblical times. It presents the never-before-told story of how American and world history have been profoundly influenced by taxes. Unique, quirky, interlaced with personal accounts, and always enlightening, these amazing tax stories have involved some of our best- known leaders and celebrities."

The book contains discussions about tax songs and videos, many of which have appeared on this blog. It also includes lesser know tax related stories including:

• gifts to Anna Nicole Smith.
• Liberace's garish "glamour and elegance," and
• Irving Berlin's songs.
• President Franklin Roosevelt made two attempts at taxing income over $25,000 at a whopping 100 percent! And he saved a future president from prison for criminal tax fraud.
• Abolish the IRS? Andrew Jackson actually did. But it came back 28 years later.
• Prior to 1933, U.S. presidents were exempt from income tax.
• Only one U.S. president has ever visited the IRS building.

Oh, and it references accounting and pop culture myths such as the long hours (“in every 24 hours, there are three perfectly good eight-hour chargeable days”),

John Cleese and Les Dawson making accountancy more exciting

John Cleese interviews Les Dawson for a position at a very exciting accounting firm.

"How to Dodge the Taxman and Not Get Burned"

Apparently reported in the May 1980 issue of American Photographer:

"One fashion photographer we consulted found it helpful, when an IRS* auditor came to call, to have several scantily clad models running about the studio to facilitate ordinary, reasonable and clear thinking on the part of the auditor."

* US taxman

Accountants go crazy - only after the tax deadline of course

The tax on spontaneity we all accept

During a light-hearted discussion about the price of train tickets, Jeremy Hardy said he often doesn't know what he's doing even one day ahead, let alone where he's going to want to go on a train.

Jeremy asked why people who are more prepared than him, and book train tickets in advance, pay less for their train tickets.

David Mitchell interpreted this as a complaint about what could be described as a tax on spontaneity.

From 6 November 2009 episode of the News Quiz on Radio 4

The accounting sheepdog

A farmer sends his accounting sheepdog, Spot, off to gather in his 8 sheep. On returning the farmer is astonished to find he now has 10 animals in his pen and asks the dog to explain.

"You asked me to round them up", barks Spot.

Accounting swear words

The auditing rash

"Doctor, Doctor. Every time I go on an audit I get covered in rashes. What could it be?"


- "Ticks."