Trivial new taxes we nearly had for 2022

The Chancellor seemed to omit these new tax ideas in his Budget this week:

• Twitter tax, levied at 1p per tweet
• Hashtag tax, 1p per hashtag, max 5p per post. 
• COVID lingo tax, like a swear box - £1 each time you say 'unprecedented', 'new normal' or 'pivot'. 
• Unused App Tax (UAT), £10 per app on your phone that you haven't used in the last month
• Promo tax - payable for downloading tracks simply to get a Christmas number one
• Wii tax levied on the breaking of household objects
• Ringtone tax on irritating ringtones, doubled for Christmas ones
  
• Muzak tax - doubled for Christmas muzak and trebled for Christmas muzak before December
• Alexa tax - £1 each time you unintentionally engage your home assistant
• Interesting tax - £1 each time you say something is 'interesting' rather than using a more precise adjective
• So tax - £100 each time you start a sentence with 'So'. (Reduced to £50 if you train Alexa to reprimand you)