12 ways to have fun completing your tax return

1. Do it while wearing your favourite fancy dress.
2. Every time you claim a deduction, do a victory dance. 
3. Add happy or sad emojis wherever you can on the tax returns 
4. Invent a new tax category for "unavoidable chocolate expenses." 
5. Write a tax-themed haiku for each page you fill out. 
6. Do it naked
7. In "For Office Use Only" area write "Approved. Send refund immediately."
8. Design a tax-themed tattoo for each deduction you claim. 
9. Translate all financial jargon into Shakespearean language. 
10. Attach a ransom note demanding a tax refund for the safe return of your financial sanity. 
11. Insist on using interpretive dance to explain any discrepancies in your return. 
12. Write a heartfelt letter to HMRC, explaining why you believe you should be taxed in chocolate coins instead.

Accountants who play 'chicken' in January

I first came across this concept many years ago:

An accountant told me that they play a version of Chicken each year as an incentive to get all of their clients' tax returns in on time. 

They said they always leaves their own tax return to be the last one filed by their practice each January.  And that, on one occasion they did this at 23:59!

Does anyone else play daft games like this at year end?

Acronyms for different client types

• DINKYs - Dual Income, No Kids Yet
• DONKEYs - Dual Overdraft, No Kids Yet
• MINKs - Multiple Income, No Kids
• OPALs - Older People, Active Lifestyle
• SWELL - Single Woman Earning Lots in London
• SEMI - Suburban Executive MIddle manager
• MACs - Married And Comfortable
• SITCOM - Single Income, Two Children, Outrageous Mortgage
• LOMBARD - Lots Of Money But A Right Dope
• SMARTIEs - Smart, Middle Aged, Risk Taking Individuals
• PIPPies - People who Inherited Parents' Properties
• WOOPies - Well Off Older People
• FIZZ - Financially Independent, Zero Zeal, 
• CHEERS - Couples Having Excessive Expenses, Really Splurging 
• WITTY - Well-Invested, Thrifty, and Totally Young-at-heart 
• CHARMs - Couples Happily Avoiding Real Money 
• PAMPERs - Professionals Accumulating Money, Planning Exotic Retreats

Punny accountant and their clients

A punny accountant was describing some of his clients:

I assisted a bakery recently; they needed help with their financial dough-cuments. Ensured their profits were well-kneaded, proving accountancy isn't just a piece of cake. 

Dealing with a fitness centre was taxing, but I managed to balance their accounts without breaking a sweat. It seems crunches aren't the only thing that requires precision! 

Handled the finances for a music store, making sure their financial harmony was pitch-perfect. Balancing the books was a real score! 

Collaborated with a coffee shop on their accounts. It seems financial balance is a bit like the perfect blend – it requires the right mix. 

Partnered with a fashion boutique to tailor their financial strategy. It turns out balancing the books is just as important as finding the right fit.

Who knows what ACA stands for?

Assume you didn't know that an ACA is an Associate of the Institute of Chartered Accountants in England and Wales (ICAEW). What would you find out if you looked online?

Here is just a selection:

• The Affordable Care Act ACA), formally known as the Patient Protection and Affordable Care Act (PPACA) and colloquially known as Obamacare,
• Ambulance Care Assistant - this role involves the transportation of non-emergency patients to and from hospital and clinic appointments.
• ACA is the representative body for UK consulting actuaries 
• ACA Sports Limited, a UK based online sports shop stocking Football Boots, Football Shirts, Team Kit, Footballs, Shin Guards, Goalkeeper Gloves and Clothing 
• Association for Continence Advice (ACA) - organisation for health and social care professionals concerned with the progression of care for continence. Methinks someone is taking the proverbial! 
• Adult Children of Alcoholics 
• Australian Croquet Association and, confusingly, the Australian Cricketers' Association
• Asynchronous Criticality Avoidance 
• All Calls Answered is a common meaning for ACA on online dating sites, such as Craigslist, Tinder, Zoosk and Match.
• Alcohol, Condoms & Attitude are apparently the three factors necessary for any episode of The Jersey Shore.

Who knew?

Is Santa a tax avoider?

Santa's VAT adviser, who wishes to remain anonymous, says she has been pondering some key issues:

 First things first, is Santa a taxable person? 

He is only active once a year (though it is a busy night and he visits a lot of countries!). 

Also his activity is carried out very regularly every year (he never misses). 

But is he carrying out an economic activity? 

Is he giving the presents away or are the mince pies and brandy left out for him (and the carrots for the reindeer) non monetary consideration (not to mention the requirement that the children have to have been good – which is surely priceless). 

 Is the letter to Santa a contract and what happens if one party (the child) fails to meet its part of the bargain (the aforementioned ‘being good’ bit). 

If the gifts left for each child in a household cost less than £50 and there is no consideration provided, can Santa claim the input tax on these without there being an output tax liability? 

 How should he value the work of the elves in the workshop that produce the gifts – and are they his employees or are they self-employed? 

There is no doubt a range of other issues to consider as regards Santa’s direct tax affairs and how he can afford to carry on year after year with no money coming in (unless you count the fees for all those shopping centre stints – but is that really him??). 

 Is Santa’s sleigh an airplane used by an airline operating for reward chiefly on international routes? 

Can the reindeer food be zero rated because the reindeer are working animals? 

He is supplying delivered wrapped goods, which all start their journey at the North Pole, (non EU) and don’t go through Customs, so what is the place of supply, and is he making a single supply or is the wrapping separate? 

 If it is separate how do you apportion the non monetary consideration (assuming there is any)? 

 Lots to think about! 

 [A version of this letter has appeared elsewhere beforehand but I cannot trace the original]

'Last Christmas' as sung by a tax inspector

Last Christmas, I sent a demand

But the very next day, you appealed it away 

This year, to get us some tax 

I'll investigate and ensure you pay 

 (Chorus) 

Once bitten and twice shy 

I want your records, but you just seem to lie 

Tell me, taxpayer, do you recognize 

The mess you've made with your financial lies?  

Last Christmas, I filed a report 

But the very next day, you sent it away 

This year, to save me from tears 

I'll start a COP9 and make you obey  

Crowded offices, filled with paperwork 

Hidden incomes, we'll make it work 

I'll trace the money, follow the trail 

Your tax games won't let you prevail 

Last Christmas, you thought you were slick 

But the very next day, I uncovered the trick 

This year, to save me from strife 

I'll ensure you pay your fair share in life  

Some credit is due to ChatGPT for this.