Why accountants struggle with advertising spend

You know what they say about advertising......

 

"It's always said that half of one's advertising spend is wasted, but you never know which half. The problem is that my marketing colleagues never budget for both halves!" 

 Attributed to Chris Hix, former head of management accounting at Lever Brothers by Russell Levinson

Stamp Duty and playing cards

A few years ago I was researching a new talk that involves a reference to playing cards and was astonished the learn the following. Why didn't anyone ever tell me this before?

When you look at the central image of a spade on the Ace of Spades it is often more ornate than that on the other aces and the reason is tax related!

Apparently this all began in the 17th century under the reign of King James. He passed a law requiring the Ace of Spades to bear an insignia of the printing house as proof of payment of a tax on the local manufacture of cards. 

This ornamental embossing was also intended to prevent forgery of the revenue stamp. To forge an ace of spades was punishable by hanging, hence it is sometimes still known as the ‘hanging card’. 

Stamp duty was extended to playing cards in 1711 by Queen Anne and lasted until 1960. All decks of playing cards printed and sold in the United Kingdom were liable to tax under the Stamp Act 1765, and the Ace of Spades carried an indication of the name of the printer and the fact that the tax had been paid.

I am astonished that I have only found this out now - all these years after I started to work in tax having already established my magical hobby!

The dangers of being over promoted?

A tax manager was driving up the motorway on his way to see a client when his senior partner phoned him and told him that he'd been promoted to senior manager. 

The tax manager was so shocked he swerved the car. 

A few minutes later the senior partner phoned the tax manager again to say he'd been promoted even higher and would be made a tax director. 

The manager swerved the car again. 

Then the senior partner told the manager that he was actually being promoted straight to partner. 

The manager was so shocked he drove off the road and went right into a tree. 

The police came and asked him what had happened. He said "I careered off the road"

You know you need a new accountant when....

You know you need a new accountant when....

...Your Accountant offers to do your taxes in exchange for a lifetime supply of pizza. 

...Your Accountant suggests deducting your family holiday costs as a "research trip to a tropical paradise." 

...Your Accountant thinks "tax evasion" is just another word for "strategic financial planning." 

... Your Accountant's favourite tax strategy is "Finders Keepers." 

...Your Accountant tells you that an HMRC investigation is a great opportunity to make new friends. 

...Your Accountant's motto is, "When in doubt, shred it." 

...Your Accountant recommends hiring a psychic to predict your tax liabilities. 

...Your Accountant wears a t-shirt that says, "I put the 'fun' in 'refund.'" 

...Your Accountant suggests writing off your gym membership as a business expense because "thinking about taxes is a workout." 

...Your Accountant believes that "paying taxes is for amateurs." 

...Your Accountant keeps a rubber stamp that says, "Approved by the Ministry of Silly Tax Returns". 

How many accountants are witch doctors? Or is it AI now?

 In a 1964 speech the British law lord, Lord Justice Harman, is reported to have told an audience:

‘Accountants are the witch doctors of the modern world and willing to turn their hands to any kind of magic.’

There was a time when this same quote appeared on the websites of dozens of firms of accountants. 

Maybe we should adopt an amended version of the quote:

‘AI systems are the witch doctors of the modern world and able to turn their hands to any kind of magic.’

(You need to know me to know why that quote so appeals to me. There's a clue in this earlier posting on this blog)

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb?

5 of the best answers. Can you offer any more?

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? 

.... How many would you like it to be? 

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? 

.... What kind of answer did you have in mind? 

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? 

.... Hmmm....let me run a few numbers and get back to you.

How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? 

.... Two. One to change it and one to make sure it was done within budget.

And lastly, my favourite: How many accountants does it take to change a light bulb? 

 One, but he'll have 800 of them to do in January.

How NOT to describe an accountant

A business coach was looking for an alliterative approach to use when targeting accountants. 

The following positive adjectives were all identified as possible aspirations but rejected at least partly for having the potential to be misunderstood in the context of accountants: 

Absurd, Adequate, Adventurous, Agile, Amorous, Aphrodisiac, Approachable, Appropriate, Arousing, Arresting, Assisting, Astonishing, Astounding, Attentive, Attractive, Audacious, Auspicious, Authoritative, Autonomous, Available, Awe-inspiring. 

Any more?