Justifying why NOT to file tax returns

The following are a summary of some of the points argued by a Mr Bell in letters to HMRC and the lower tier Tax Tribunal as to why he considered that he was not required to file tax returns:

---

As all humans are created equal, government and the making of legislation requires the consent of the governed

All humans have an absolute right to own property which is gained as a result of their own efforts. Taxation imposed by HMRC is coercive seizure of rightfully held property and cannot be justified.

It is essential that HMRC issue Mr Bell with a statement that they recognise that it is the right of the UK people to govern themselves, and that every individual owns the right to property. Failure to do so demonstrates total absence of bone fide intent on the part of HMRC, in that they are knowingly complicit in Parliament's attempts to strip us of these fundamental rights through the machinery of the law

Liberty is valued second only to life itself

Peaceful resolution of dispute requires submission to reason

---

Unsurprisingly these arguments were unsuccessful!

Bell v Her Majesty's Revenue & Customs [2009] UKFTT 270 (TC)

The 10 commandments for clients of accountants

1. You shall have no other advisers beyond me

2. You shall not make for yourself any graven image of a tax inspector to throw darts at.

3. You shall not take the name of the Chancellor in vain (more than once a week)

4. Remember the 31st of January to keep it holy. If you have not saved up to pay your tax by then, you may as well rest on that day.

5. Honour your accountant and tax adviser, who are doing a very good job for you.

6. You shall not murder or evade tax (but avoidance is ok - sometimes).

7. You shall not commit adultery – because marriage is tax efficient.

8. You shall not steal or hide cash offshore.

9. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbour, unless your neighbour is a benefits thief or a Lord who has defrauded the public.

10. You shall not covet your neighbour’s personal services company, family trust or low tax bill (as YOUR circumstances are different!)

What do you call HMRC?

His Majesty's Revenue and Customs is typically only ever referenced as HMRC.

Not everyone uses the acronym politely. A couple of variations I have heard are:

HM Mars C - emphasising that negotiations can be warlike (Mars being the Greek god of war)

and

HM Arsy - an equally negative sounding approach.

Any more?

VAT deregistration on death

An older accountant told me what happened to a client after they had died.

The accountant had notified HMRC of the death and deregistered the client from VAT.

Imagine the accountant's surprise to then receive been told nby the client's widow of a follow up letter sent to her deceased husband.

The VAT office letter said: 

"We are sorry to learn of your recent demise. We have processed your request for deregistration but if at any time in the future you become liable to be VAT registered again, you should apply to this office for a new VAT number."

12 ways to have fun completing your tax return

1. Do it while wearing your favourite fancy dress.
2. Every time you claim a deduction, do a victory dance. 
3. Add happy or sad emojis wherever you can on the tax returns 
4. Invent a new tax category for "unavoidable chocolate expenses." 
5. Write a tax-themed haiku for each page you fill out. 
6. Do it naked
7. In "For Office Use Only" area write "Approved. Send refund immediately."
8. Design a tax-themed tattoo for each deduction you claim. 
9. Translate all financial jargon into Shakespearean language. 
10. Attach a ransom note demanding a tax refund for the safe return of your financial sanity. 
11. Insist on using interpretive dance to explain any discrepancies in your return. 
12. Write a heartfelt letter to HMRC, explaining why you believe you should be taxed in chocolate coins instead.

Accountants who play 'chicken' in January

I first came across this concept many years ago:

An accountant told me that they play a version of Chicken each year as an incentive to get all of their clients' tax returns in on time. 

They said they always leaves their own tax return to be the last one filed by their practice each January.  And that, on one occasion they did this at 23:59!

Does anyone else play daft games like this at year end?

Acronyms for different client types

• DINKYs - Dual Income, No Kids Yet
• DONKEYs - Dual Overdraft, No Kids Yet
• MINKs - Multiple Income, No Kids
• OPALs - Older People, Active Lifestyle
• SWELL - Single Woman Earning Lots in London
• SEMI - Suburban Executive MIddle manager
• MACs - Married And Comfortable
• SITCOM - Single Income, Two Children, Outrageous Mortgage
• LOMBARD - Lots Of Money But A Right Dope
• SMARTIEs - Smart, Middle Aged, Risk Taking Individuals
• PIPPies - People who Inherited Parents' Properties
• WOOPies - Well Off Older People
• FIZZ - Financially Independent, Zero Zeal, 
• CHEERS - Couples Having Excessive Expenses, Really Splurging 
• WITTY - Well-Invested, Thrifty, and Totally Young-at-heart 
• CHARMs - Couples Happily Avoiding Real Money 
• PAMPERs - Professionals Accumulating Money, Planning Exotic Retreats