Exercising can be taxing

A little known fact about the Queen of England. 

She is a keep fit enthusiast and insists on all of her gym equipment being laid out in exactly the same way ahead of each training session. When she can't make it she pays a small fine. The sign on the palace gym door reads: HM Customs and Exercise.

Why do accountants swear so much?

A recent experiment sought to determine which profession is the sweariest. And the answer, controversially has been reported to be 'accountants'. 

The three-month survey* of 1,400 employees at 100 UK companies across 14 different sectors discovered that workers in accounting, banking and finance used the most profanity during team meetings and video calls. 

The banking press reports this as an achievement for bankers. The accounting press however also wants to claim the crown. 

To conduct the experiment, the researchers asked volunteers from each sector to record the number of times a member of staff swore during meetings over a 12-week period. 

The data was then collated and compared, ultimately identifying the (combined) accounting, banking and finance 'profession' as the the one most likely to swear.  This was apparently because they uttered the highest number of obscenities during the study. And they won by a long shot. 

'Accountants' apparently spoke a total of nearly 1,000 swear words at an average of 80 per week. This was about 17 times the number for the least sweary sector. 

The research suggested that the most common swear word among 'accountants' began with F. I think we can guess which one.

Of course another F word itself has also caused a lot of swearing among accountants this year........ 

Furlough 

*The survey was conducted by commercial property agent Savoy Stewart

If you don't want to be an accountant....

This is taken from a recent piece in the Times Diary: 

Stephen Fry tells a story about the careers master at his school who asked the boys what they wanted to be and then wrote that down as his recommendation for them.

If they didn't know what they wanted to be, apparently the careers master put down 'accountant'.

Back then Fry didn't know what he wanted to be but clearly didn't want to be advised to become an accountant. So, when it was his turn he said his ambition was to be a careers master.

The master instead put him down as 'comedian'.

Initial questions for accountancy bodies

Back in 2003, my (then) teenage son was field testing an early version of a temporary website intended to encourage young people to choose a career in tax. It was a joint venture between large professional bodies, Government departments and the big 4 firms of accountants. 

The Tax Careers website included a list of the various professional bodies - which were identified only by their initials.

My son asked various questions: "What's a Kyott? What's an I - cow? What's an Acker? And what's an Eye-Kas?"

All those involved with the project used abbreviations all the time. But we'd forgotten that our audience of young people new to the profession would have no idea what the letters stood for. 

Following that initial feedback from my son we spelled them all out in full.

More recently someone asked the then President of the Chartered Institute of Taxation why everyone referenced the Institute as "See, Eye, Oh, Tee" rather than "See-ott"? 

The emphatic reply apparently was that "See-ott sounds terrible". 

Indeed. But marginally better than "Ky-ott" which was how my son had tried to pronounce the letters!

The other answers to my son's questions are ICAEW, ACCA and ICAS.

Unbelievable work experience in accountants' offices

 One - It all looks so easy

One firm took a 15 year old girl from the local secondary school on work experience for a week. She was the daughter of a client. 

Two weeks later, the client phoned them and told them they were leaving. Asked if they were going to a different accountant they said no, their daughter was going to look after their affairs from now on as she had learned how to do all the work during her week of work experience!!

Two - They learn so much
Another accountant reports having received a CV from a young lady (aged 17) who, during a month with a local accountancy firm, apparently took over the role of payroll manager, conducted an audit without supervision and seems to now be competent in preparing self assessment and corporation tax returns.

The accountant who saw the CV did not reply because he did not think he would be able to afford the salary of a genius, saying "No doubt she will appear in the next series of The Apprentice".

These stories were originally shared on AccountingWeb in 2011

Customs & Excise were always the toughest!

Before everyone was merged into HMRC, the Inland Revenue, Contributions Agency, and Customs & Excise were all trying to prove they were the best at extracting confessions from taxpayers.

The Chancellor of the Exchequer decided to give them a test. He released a rabbit into a forest and each of them had to catch it.

 The Contributions Agency went first. They placed animal informants throughout the forest and questioned all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations, they concluded that rabbits do not exist.

 The Revenue went next. After two weeks with no leads they burned the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they made no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.

 Finally Customs went in. They came out two hours later with a badly beaten bear.

The bear was yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"

What's 2+2? Ten different professions give their answers

Engineer: The answer lies between 3.98 and 4.02

Estate agent: I will sort that out once you agree to pay me 1% of the answer.

Mathematician: In 3 hours I can demonstrate my proof that will reveal the answer everyone has been searching for.

Logician: This problem is solvable.

Dentist: If you don't brush them properly there will only be 3.

Social worker: I don't know the answer but I'm glad we discussed the question.

Lawyer: In the case of Nerd vs HMRC, 2+2 was held to be 4

Politician: That's not the real question.

Market trader: Are you buying or selling?

Accountant: What do you want it to be?

Would this still convince the taxman?

 This is an extract from a letter sent by an accountant to the taxman:

"In reply to your letter of the 12th, there is no documentary evidence of partnership, but when I called at my client's premises to complete the Tax Return his wife was present.  

When I asked if the business belonged to him, his wife immediately answered in the most forthright terms that it was their joint property and I personally was sufficiently convinced not to pursue the matter further. 

I take some pride in my physical condition, but I know my limitations. If you are still not convinced I will take you along in my car to see Mrs X with pleasure, but I will wait outside for you."

Recorded in Peter Vaines and Roger Nuttall's book "The Bottom Line"

The Accountant's A-Z

 Instead of the NATO alphabet, accountants are encouraged to adopt the new Accountants' alphabet when spelling things out. So no more Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, Delta. Instead we now have:

• A for Assets
• B for Balancing
• C for Capital
• D for Delete
• E for Excel
• F for Finance
• G for Goodwill
• H for HMRC
• I for Insolvency
• J for Journals
• K for Kiting - the fraudulent use of a financial instrument to obtain additional credit that is not authorised
• L for Liability
• M for Materiality
• N for Notes to accounts
• O for Off-balance sheet
• P for Profit
• Q for Qualifications
• R for Reconciliation
• S for Support staff
• T for Tax
• U for Uncertainties
• V for Value
• W for Winding up
• X for breakfast
• Y for Yearly
• Z for Zero-based budgeting

5 quick jokes about accountants

1 - The market may be bad, but I slept like a baby last night...

....I woke up every hour and cried.

2 - I'm not saying my accountant is too literal, but when I asked him to check my balance, he pushed me over.

3 - Why are accountants always so calm, composed, and methodical? They have strong internal controls.

4 - What do you call a trial balance that doesn't balance? A late night.

5 - Did you hear about the constipated accountant? He had a ton of paper work to do.  But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t budget. So he decided to work it out with a pencil.

The Priest, the Doctor and the Accountant

A rich old businessman calls his Priest, Doctor and Accountant, to attend him during his last days.

“I’m dying” he says. “They say you can't take it with you, but I want to prove them wrong.”  

“Father, you have tended to my spiritual needs and gave me absolution when my conscience bothered me. Doctor, you have tended to my physical needs and kept me going through all my excess. 

Steve (the Accountant) you have advised me how to make even more money, and even helped keep me out of jail when the tax man was after me. 

I am going to request one last thing from each of you. Here are 3 envelopes each containing £100,000. When I die, I want you each to throw your envelope into the grave as they bury me. That way I get to take some of my money with me.” 

A few day later the businessman died. 

At the funeral the Priest, Doctor and the Accountant dutifully threw their envelopes into the grave as it was being filled in. 

Afterwards, when they were walking through the church yard, the Priest turned to the other two and said, “Gentlemen, I have something weighing on my conscience that I must tell you. You know I run a shelter for the homeless and needy. I could not in all conscience waste all that money, so there was only £50K in the envelope I threw into the grave.” 

The Doctor then spoke, “Father” he said “I’m so pleased you told us this. You know that I help run a clinic for down and outs and addicts, that can't get help anywhere else. I couldn’t see all that money go to waste when it could help so many, so there was only £25K in the envelope I threw in.” 

The Accountant looked in horror at the Priest and Doctor, “Despite your worthy ideals you cheated our friend out of his final wish. I'm disappointed in you both. The least you could have done is what I did and put a cheque into the envelope for the full amount.”

Clever accounting by children (1)

This may be an apocryphal story relating back to the childhood of an unnamed top accountant. 

She explains that as a young child she played a game with her parents' friends whenever they came to visit. 

Apparently they found it hugely entertaining that, when offered a choice between a 50p coin and a pound coin she always took the 50p coin. 

One day, her grandfather saw this happening and called her over to explain things: "You must understand, a pound coin is twice as valuable as a 50p piece, so you should always choose the pound coin." 

The future top accountant replied: "But Grandpa, then people will not offer me any money."

Great T-shirt slogans for accountants

• My Daddy is the best accountant in the whole world 
• The Zen of accounting - for every debit there is a credit 
• Trust me - I'm an accountant 
• Accountants appreciate a good figure 
• I love my accountant 
• I live for accounting 
• I'm the accountant your mother warned you about 
• Future accountant [for a baby's t-shirt!] 
• Accountants rock 
• Proud parent of an accountant 
• Accounting diva [in pink] 
• It's accrual world 
• Daddy's little tax deduction [for a baby's t-shirt!] 
• Mild mannered accountant by day. Sexy husband by night 
• Accountant on the outside. Biker on the inside 
• Beancounter university [in the style of a top Uni] 
• The world's best accountant 
• A good accountant is a debit to her profession 
• I love Chartered Accountants

Top accountant characters in films

The Accountant - Ben Afflek plays a man who uses his disorder to balance books for criminals.

The Apartment - Jack Lemmon's character CC Baxter introduces himself: "I work on the 19th floor. Ordinary Policy Department, Premium Accounting Division, Section W, desk number 861." 

The Closet - French superstar Daniel Autueil plays an accountant who pretends to be gay to keep his job in a condom factory. 

Dave - Charles Grodin plays the president's accountant and solves the budget deficit in one overnight session, leaving the White House at dawn in his prudent small car. 

Erotica - the lead character is a bearded and gentlemanly accountant who gets increasingly hung up on a sneaky lap dancer whom he is forbidden to touch. 

Ghostbusters - Rick Moranis is an accountant who, although possessed by evil spirits, asks who does monstrous Sigourney Weaver's tax return. 

Hitch - Kevin James plays tax accountant Albert Brennaman, who woos and wins Amber Valletta just by being his booty-shaking, inhaler-snorting, passionate self. 

Jurassic Park - a weasel accountant spurns Jeff Goldblum's advice and gets devoured by a dinosaur. 

Local hero - Denis Lawson plays Gordon Urquhart, the hotel proprietor who is also the local accountant trusted to meet with the locals on behalf of a Texas oil company that wants to purchase the Scottish fishing village.

Midnight Run - Charles Grodin again. Here he plays an accountant who steals from the rich and gives to the poor . Robert De Niro tracks him down when Grodin jumps bail. 

The Producers - In the original film Zero Mostel ropes accountant Gene Wilder into collaborating with him on a scheme to rip off old ladies. In the remake Nathan Lane persuades Matthew Broderick to abandon his accountancy career in favour of becoming a theatrical producer. 

The Royal Tenenbaums - Danny Glover plays accountant Henry Sherman, Angelica Huston's dependable second husband. 

Schindler's List - Ben Kingsley's bespectacled accountant helps save lives. 

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty - Danny Kaye stars as a day-dreaming beancounter. 

The Sea Change - Sean Chapman was to have played a 'handsome, dashing and funny KPMG accountant named Rupert Granger.' The script was later revised to make him a banker - but the original idea led to me being interviewed and performing a magic trick on BBC's Newsnight TV programme.

Shallow Grave - Christopher Eccleston played chartered accountant David Stephens who gets drawn into the grisly goings-on in a shared Edinburgh flat. 

She Devil - Ed Begley Jr plays a sleazeball accountant upon whom Rosanne Barr wreaks a hideous revenge. 

The Untouchables - Charles Martin Smith plays accountant Oscar Wallace and conceives the idea of nabbing Al Capone for tax evasion. 

Popular films remade for accountants (part two)

There are dozens of films about lawyers. Here are some more that could be made about accountants: 

• The Deductibles 
• Mary Profits 
• On Her Majesty's Revenue and Customs Service 
• Kalamazoolander 
• Lady Chatterley's Ledger 
• Raiders of the Lost Audit 
• The Wizard of Audit 
• Book Keeping and the Accountant Kid 
• The Balance of the Lambs 
• Close Encounters of the Accountant's Kind 
• Accounting in the Rain 
• Slumdog Accountant 
• Some Like it in Credit 
• Raiders of the Last Audit 
• The Big Four Strikes Back 
• Auditbusters 
• All the President's Bookkeepers 
• Monty Python and the Accountant's Grail 
• Eternal Sunshine of the Accountant's Mind

Ten key tax questions for accountants

1. Why is simplification such a long word? 
2. Do you have a tax conscience? It's that small inner voice that tells you that the Special Civil Investigation Office will be writing to you. 
3. If taxes are the answer, what was the question? 
4. Why is it that HMRC can make 'mistakes' but taxpayers are always negligent? 
5. Why are tax laws like a Haggis? They are both the the result of bloody processes; the end result is a mystery and you wouldn't want to watch either being made. 
6. Is it true that HMRC believes that the generation of names for random audit is too important to be left to chance? 
7. Why should we encourage clients to check their tax returns before breakfast? Then nothing worse can happen to them all day. 
8. Is it really due to taxation, that clients find it increasingly difficult to reconcile their net incomes with their gross habits?
9. Is the Eiffel Tower a warning as to what will happen to Canary Wharf after taxes? 
10. Has the self assessment system resulted in the UK becoming a land of untold wealth?

Popular films remade for accountants (part one)

There are dozens of films about lawyers. Here are some that could be made about accountants:

• The Accountant of Monte Cristo 
• Honey I Shrunk The Balance sheet 
• Double Entry Indemnity 
• Abacus Now
• Dead profits Society
• Kinky Books
• Trading (Profit and Loss Account) Places 
• The Unbearable Lightness of Being Audited 
• Harry Potter and the Audit of the Phoenix 
• Tax Returns Of The Jedi 
• Debbie Does Double Entry Bookkeeping 
• Abbacus - The Movie 
• The Offshore Shank Redemption

The purchase ledger accountant's lament

Piles of purchase invoices, in all colours and sizes

Apparently so varied but with very few surprises
The Boss will read them carefully before he authorises
Then it’s my job to process them as my blood pressure rises

I say each number quietly to get it in my brain
And as I type it to the screen I say it once again
The others in the office think my mumbling’s a pain
They say it shows I’m mad, but can I promise you – I’m sane!

Once input to the system I’m so careful where I pile ‘em
Too close to the window, they’ll be gone before I file ‘em
And that would be the end of me, straight off to the asylum…
My loving caring colleagues would be very quick to dial ‘em

So here I am, an invoice clerk until the bitter end
Most of the time I work real hard but sometimes I pretend
I’m living in a different world, with mates and cash to spend
Oh please won’t someone rescue me? I’M GOING ROUND THE BEND!

Written by Sean Kelly.

Is this email too informal for a client?

A recent online exchange between two anonymous accountants made me chuckle:

Accountant 1
Has anyone else noticed that email communication with clients is becoming more personal and less formal?

Accountant 2

Dear [Accountant 1],

I hope you are well.

My emails, like yours, have moved imperceptibly from sublimely formal to ridiculously over-friendly.

Please find attached our fee-note in respect of our professional charges relating to our involvement and commentary upon the matter(s) raised by you; settlement of which is due within seven days. Thank you for using our services, which I trust have been to your satisfaction.

Thank you in anticipation of your timely settlement.

Yours objectively,

Mr ThisIsAsInformalAsIget F.C.A.

Lockdown lingo for accountants

Blue Skype thinking

An accountancy firm's brainstorming session which takes place over a videoconferencing app. Such meetings might also be termed a “Zoomposium”. 

Coronadose

An overdose of bad news about clients during a time of crisis. Can result in a “panicdemic”.

The elephant in the Zoom

The glaring issue during a videoconferencing call that nobody feels able to mention. Typically either a colleague who has dramatically put on weight, suddenly sprouted terrible facial hair or has a worryingly messy house visible in the background.

Quentin Quarantino

A furloughed junior staff member who is using their time in lockdown to make amateur films which they’re convinced are funnier and cleverer than they actually are.

Covidiot

A colleague or client who ignores public health advice or behaves with reckless disregard for the safety of others can be said to display “covidiocy” or be “covidiotic”. Also called a “lockclown”.

Antisocial distancing

Using health precautions as an excuse for avoiding any contact with colleagues you find irritating.

Tandemic

How you describe the consequence of your colleagues acquiring a sun-kissed glow from working at home in their gardens.

Doom ’n’ Zoom

The feeling spread by the a miserable or pessimistic colleague in a videoconference, aka the “Zoommonger”.

Fattening the curve

The weight that all accountants are gaining from comfort-eating and comfort-drinking. 

Giving an accountant something to worry about

A newly qualified chartered accountant applies for a job advertised in The Times.
He is interviewed by the owner of a small business who has built it up from scratch.

"I need a qualified accountant," says the man, "but mainly I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me."

"How do you mean?" says the accountant.

"I have lots of things to worry about, but I want someone else to worry about money
matters."

"OK," says the accountant. "How much are you offering?"

"You can start on eighty thousand," says the owner.

"Eighty thousand pounds?" exclaims the accountant, "How can a business like this afford
to pay so much?"

"That," says the man, "is your first worry."

Are these the 5 worst things that happen to auditors?

1. Getting in early only to find the manager who's got all the answers is not in today
2. Being asked to process a whole shed-load of material adjustments 1 hour before the audit is supposed to finish
3. Realising that the 'we-could-finish-a-week-early-and-have-a-jolly' budget has disappeared into thin air
4. Being shoved into a cold, pokey, little room in the basement with no windows, mobile phone reception, printer or copier, miles away from where all the people you need to speak to work and 12 floors from the nearest decent snacks vending machine
5. Finding out that your favourite prestigious audit client has gone bust and your audit partner has gone missing.

TV shows remade for accountants

The are dozens of TV shows about lawyers. Here are some that could be remade about accountants:

• Calculators  - Like Suits but without Meghan Markle
• (In the) Black Books - a remake of the sit com about a bookseller
• QI - Quite Insolvent
• MS Excel 5 - a remake of Fireball XL5
• Companies House Party - a remake of Noel's House Party. I'm not explaining any more! ;-)
• The Fall And Rise Of Reginald's Accountants Fees
• I’m An Accountant, Get Me Out Of this audit
• The Expenditure Files
• The Bill
• Audit in Paradise
• Howard's Month End
• Tax-y
• Count Down
• Men accounting badly
• Mr Bean Counter

Mr Ledger, the accountant - Nominative determinism in action?

Nominative determinism suggests that people gravitate towards areas of work that fit their names.  In this context AccountancyAge ran a competition a while back to find accountants who might have moved into the profession due to their name.

The winning submission came from an accountant called Mike Broadway. It wasn't about himself though:

'I was articled to W D Menzies & Co [now Menzies] in the early 60's and one of the partners was a Mr William Ledger. 

All articled clerks had to take a turn on the switchboard and it was amusing to hear clients asking to speak to "Mr Ledger, the accountant" as if it was a game of Happy Families.

'Our amusement didn't end there, as we also imagined the young William doing National Service as Private Ledger before taking a commission to become, eventually, General Ledger. 

'Bill, as he was known, but not to his face, had in fact served in the Marines, making him "Sails" Ledger.

We finally planned a post-military career for Bill as the warden of a bird sanctuary - wait for it - "Perches" Ledger.

Have you ever encountered any other appropriately named accountants?

25 Tips for accountants working from home for the first time

The following suggestions are intended to make your home feel more like the office:

1. Throughout the day randomly put a wet floor sign in front of the bathroom door. 
2. Install a water cooler (with paper cups) in the hall to stand by.
3. Put a sign up in the kitchen to say food left in fridge over weekend will be thrown away. 
4. Fill a fire bucket with sand. Then put cigarette butts in and place the bucket outside the front door 
5. Jam the photocopier and put a note on it saying ‘engineer called’ 
6. Set off your alarm clock and stand out in the street pretending there is a fire drill. 
7. Record yourself chewing loudly, picking your teeth, humming, tapping your biro on the desk (and any other such annoying noises. Then play back on loop to invoke nostalgia for that genuine office ambience. 
8. Make ID cards for all the family and insist they must always be on show. 
9. Shout out to no-one in particular. "Is anyone else having trouble getting on outlook this morning?...I'm just getting that little egg timer going round and round! 
10. Designate your back door as a fire exit, put stickers up indicating such then lock it and place something heavy in front of it. 
11. Leave passive-aggressive post-it notes on various doors, about switching lights off, flushing the toilet, not stealing from the fridge. 
12. Glance over your shoulder occasionally while surfing Facebook on your computer. 
13. Place a PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS sign in the loo, and a cautionary note on the hot tap reading CAUTION HOT WATER. 
14. Put a signing-in book at the front door.  
15. Make sure you only put empty milk bottles or bottles with an inch of sour milk in the fridge. All other milk must be left out on the surfaces. 
16. Pretend that you’ve installed a vending machine by mixing a dash of vinegar and bleach into every cup of tea or coffee. 
17. Steal your own stationery and toilet rolls. 
18. Use your credit card to swipe access for all your doors and hang signs on the inside that say make sure door is closed. 
19. Put a sticker on your thermostat saying 'DO NOT TOUCH' and then turn it up to max. Then open all the windows because it is too hot. 
20. Turn all the lights on, even in the empty rooms. 
21. Put a sign on the door with your name and job title, and insist that anyone who needs to speak to you makes an appointment first. 
22. Get yourselves an imaginary coworker to blame things on. So it’s Mary who keeps leaving her dirty cups all over the place and we really don't know what to do about her. 
23. Create a stack of "Out of order" signs. Put on household appliances, but also on doors and mailbox. And the cat.
24. Randomly scatter sugar granules, teaspoons and used mugs around the kitchen and leave a couple of cupboard doors open. 
25. Stick a sign above the kitchen sink. THE WASHING UP FAIRY HAS RESIGNED - PLEASE WASH UP YOUR OWN MUGS. THANK YOU. 

Who was the first accountant?

Who was the first accountant?
Adam. He got interested in figures, turned the first leaf, made the first entry, lost interest after withdrawal, buggered up the monthly accounts and raised the first liability.

Taxing the Toffs

In light of current disputes as to who warrants being ennobled, I am reminded of a suggestion I heard in 2008.

A progressive system should be based on taxation. Acceptance of a title such as a peerage might command a 10 per cent surcharge on the higher rate of tax.

Lesser honours might command a lower rate of tax.

Honours would remain accessible to all in society but only funded by those who passed a certain financial threshold.

This annual “toff tax” would be a lucrative way for the state (not the party) to collect revenue to fund the political infrastructure we demand but will not fund ourselves.

It will also allow those honoured to proclaim publicly their loyalty to the nation that honours them.

Extract from a letter on 17 May 2008 letters page of the FT sent in by James Brooke Turner, London SW2 3TA

Why it's best to ski with accountants...

Why is it best to ski with accountants?

Becuase there's safety in numbers.

Tax evasion at the movies

Film titles adapted to suggest tax evasion related topics:

• Fatal Deduction
• Force Ten Grand from Navarone
• Returns of the Pink Panther 
• Ocean's P11D 
• Shawshank Tax Redemption 
• The Accountant of Monte Cristo 
• The Italian (cash in hand) job 
• Von Ryan's Expenses 
• A Tax Inspector Calls 
• Evasion of the Bodysnatchers 
• Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Tax Evasion But Were Afraid to Ask 
• Friends with Benefits-in-Kind 
• Fiddler on the Roof (ok this one didn't need adapting!)

Any more?

10 imaginative excuses for late tax returns and expense claims

Every year, HMRC receives some imaginative excuses and expense claims following the 31 January Self Assessment deadline.

HMRC has just highlighted 10 of the most weird and wonderful excuses and expense claims they have received from taxpayers over the last 10 years.

The questionable expenses claims for item are:

• caravan rental for the Easter weekend 
• £4.50 for sausage and chips meal expenses for 250 days
• a music subscription so I can listen to music while I work
• pet food for a Shih Tzu ‘guard dog’ 

And the excuses are:

• I was up a mountain in Wales, and couldn’t find a post box or get an internet signal 
• my dog ate the post … again
• my hamster ate my post 
• I’ve been cruising round the world in my yacht, and only picking up post when I’m on dry land
• a DJ was too busy with a party lifestyle – spinning the deck….in a bowls club 
• my mother-in-law is a witch and put a curse on me 

All the excuses and expenses listed above were unsuccessful.

Definitions: Intaxication

Intaxication 

Definition:  The euphoria a client feels when receiving a tax refund, which lasts until they realise it was their money to start with.

Origin: This word was one of the winners in the Washington Post's Style Invitational in 2003. This sought new words created by simply adding, subtracting, or changing only one letter of a common word and supplying a new definition